I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel that I can't confront the source behind it because, once again, because I feel it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Kind of a catch 22, even if it wasn't true, I could make it true by simply acknowledging it.
Something just feels wrong.. something's off. It makes me want to engage in untrustworthy behavior because I suspect it from another party.
I thought I learned that I should trust this feeling, because it turned out to be reliable in the past, yet I'm going against my senses because I don't trust myself. I think I'm wrong. I want to be wrong.
Being right.. sometimes the comfort of illusions can make us wishful and naive. Truth cuts like a knife. Quite often we reject truth to embrace lies. Lies that promise us comfort and safety. The truth is... we will get hurt. I will get hurt. And I need to learn that this is the reality of this domain. I need to learn to embrace pain and truth, because they often go hand in hand. The choice is between pain and fear.
Looking back at my train of thought I feel uplifted by my own words, yet I still don't know what to do? Perhaps... ignore it and let life continue.
 niatsu · Tue Dec 06, 2011 @ 12:45am · 0 Comments |
