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Life's so confusing. At times I not really sure what I want and I'm not sure what's right or wrong. I try and I try to do everything right, I've stayed for the good and the bad. I've settled for 2nd place more times than I care to admit. I've run this race as long as I can. I've tried and worked just as hard as anyone still I keep coming up empty handed. I know it's such a selfish attittude to have. And it gets to me that I feel this way. Am I blinded by my own selfish pride? So many things I wish I could say but it's like I have my hands tied behind my back. I can't tell you what I think and what I feel. I can't tell you what I want more than anything else. Then again what's the point in wanting something that will always lie just out of reach. I know I'm angry, I know I'm bitter and that at times I let my hate get the best of me. I've done a lot of horrible things with the time I've been here. I've done a lot of ******** up s**t that I'd rather not admit. I just refuse to see that there is any hope of redemption for me. Maybe I'm that depressed and maybe I'm that ******** up and maybe I need your medications to fix me. Give me pills to numb the pain. What should I say when I feel this way, when I'm overtaken by dismay am I suppposed to sit here and take it, I don't know. I guess all I can do is bite my tounge cause the blood in my mouth beats the fallout that I fear will occur when I open up and come clean.
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