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How do you know when a rainbow kid has been to your house?
Your food is gone, your dishes are clean and your dog is pregnant.

How do you know when a deadhead has been to your house?
Your food is gone, your dishes are dirty and your daughter is pregnant.

How do you know when deadheads have been staying with you?
They're still there.

How do you know when they're gonna leave?
The phone bill comes.

Why do deadheads swirl their arms when they dance?
To keep the music out of their eyes.

How many phish kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A whole room full, but it takes a deadhead to spin them all

How many phish kid does it take to screw in a light bulb?
******** PHISH!!!

How many Phish fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Trick question, Phish fans can't change anything.

Where do you hide things from a hippie?
Under the soap.

How do you know when a hippie has been to your house?
Muddy footprints on the toilet seat.

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in tents and sleeping bags

How do you know when you have smoked enough pot?
When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter

What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless

What do you called a doped-up Pikachu?
Tokemon

What do you call a stoner who smokes up every day at 4:21?
A chronically late person.

Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad

Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car?
It took them two hours to get out.

A stoner called the fire department and said, “Come quick my house is on fire!” The Fireman asked “How do we get there?” The stoner says “DUH, the big red truck!

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. On the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!” The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!

How do you keep a Gaian in suspense?