Yet another breakdown sends me back to my journal.
So my brother thinks he has rights to my things. He doesn't and it's the source of MUCH contention and confrontation at home. I used to feel so peaceful and safe at home, but such isn't the case when my brother's here.
He terrorized me this morning. Last night, after taking an impromptu trip to collect a family member from immigration 200 miles away, I still felt the need to do my hair as I had planned two days before. Plus, the braids that were stretching my hair were making my scalp sensitive. So, at midnight, I start moisturizing my scalp and styling my hair. I finish at 3 AM. I lock my door so my brother won't bother me in the morning because I REALLY wanted to get up before noon. Mind you, WHENEVER my sleep is interrupted, I sleep 3 extra hours, thoroughly ******** my sleep schedule EVERYTIME. And he does this at least every other day. I get no good sleep when I need to because he believes he is entitled to my things. I am only this possessive because he has stolen hundreds of dollars from Ma and has driven my car countless times without my permission or any kind of license or even a permit. He's crashed my car into things before I could even drive it.
Whenever he gets online, he does nothing constructive. He facebooks and blasts rap music. I even went out of the way to get him headphones because no one else in the house wants to hear it, but they weren't of adequate quality for him to use them; so he blasts it anyway. He lies to us and says he doesn't seek out his shady friends on Facebook, but he's a liar. So, he uses my computer as a communication device to the people that brought him to ruin (concerning family relations).
So, after getting most likely less than 4 hours of sleep this morning, he knocks on my door, asking for laptop so that he can communicate with his "friend" to get a ride to "work". I said no. Again and again and again and again. Then he started pounding on my door and I kept saying no. Then I was getting VERY frustrated because he was pounding on the door and raising his voice. I screamed at him to leave me alone. Then Mom got involved and told me to open the door. I was just too tired and angry. If I had been in my right mind, I would have stood my ground. I blindly groped around my room for my laptop because my eyes were on fire beneath my eyelids. I screamed into my pillow once the door was closed. I was so full of rage. It took me a long time to fall back asleep and I awoke with the same rage. But I had no laptop, because Marc took it. By the way, he was still here! And then I realized he was lying about not being able to use a phone to access Facebook, because he uses a phone all the time to access Facebook. He just REALLY wanted my laptop for his selfish use.
I admit that I cracked. My voice was still shot after screaming at him and into my pillow. I tried talking to him, but he kept walking away. Then I just crumbled and told him that he was terrorizing me almost every single day for my stuff and that they're MINE. I told him him after the next time he puts me through this, I'll call the cops on him. I wasn't kidding, but he chose not to take me seriously.
Everyone always thinks I have to compromise and that when I say no, I secretly mean "maybe". I don't trust him at all. He consistently does nothing, or worse, shady things with his life. I won't to enable his lifestyle by giving him quick access to the scum he hangs out with. However, Mom COMPLETELY undermined my decision by stating that I was selfish for not sharing and that I need to.
Now my brother thinks he is entitled to my stuff whenever he wants it. I hate that. If he persists, I will hate him. I've never hated anyone that was alive. I've never had to deal with so hostility in such close quarters. (His room is adjacent to mine - we share a wall.)
I just really needed to get that off of my chest, or it would sit there, weighing on me for hours.