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Life....ain't it just grand.....
As some of you may have noticed I haven't been so forthcoming in keeping this up to date. There are alot of reasons for this. I have several other sites with "journals" that are almost impossible to keep up with anymore, I don't have alot of time online like I used to, I don't seem to feel like getting on these things anymore and I'm a bit stretched to my limit in the stress department.
Life is running me ragged right now and it's becoming hard to do anything or want to do anything. I'm trying to plan my wedding which isn't going so well....money issues are looming as always....family always seems to have some sort of drama/crisis going on that we have to tend to....my daughter and especially my man are really working my last nerves....and through it all I feel alone.
I'll admit I have one of those "depressed" type of personalities which isn't helping me much right now and with everything going on I feel isolated I guess. And I don't talk about it with anyone because everyone else always seems wrapped up in their own crap to even give mine any thought. Besides that it seems when I DO try to talk about it nothing happens....no changes and nothing really gets better. Physically right now is where I seem to be affected the most. I'm losing more hair than normal, I've had 2 cold sores/stress blisters in the last month, I'm not sleeping well again, my body aches everyday, I'm getting headaches more often, my diet is all out of whack, I break down crying randomly, I snap at people easily.....and on and on and on......
I'm not really sure what to do about it anymore, nor am I sure why I'm even writing this here. I guess I just needed to get things out, not for people to really read or comment on but for my own sake and maybe sanity. Like I said earlier I've pretty much given up on trying to talk to others about it. I don't really have any friends anymore, as they're all out and about doing their things. I'm pretty much a shut-in now with very little contact with anyone outside of my house. Sometimes I like it that way and other times....I long for actual contact with someone. Whether a phone call or in person....just something. I can't remember the last time I saw anyone other than family. It's been ages really.
Maybe I am just lonely in a house with others. I don't have much drive, don't feel like going out hardly at all and it's hard to focus on much except my day to day duties of being home taking care of my child. It'd be so nice to have a friend nearby....preferably a woman with or without kids, that I can actually connect with. Oh well.......silly pipe dream.
Anyway, I think I've bored anyone who actually reads this to death with what probably seems like whining. I've said my piece and though I don't really feel better, maybe in the long run this was actually a good thing.
Later all
 ~ NIHL ~ · Thu May 18, 2006 @ 04:17am · 2 Comments |
