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I don't want to be weak. I just want to look at those messages we shared when it felt like it was real, that it meant something. I want to remember how hopeful I was, how he was trying. I want to look at the words he chose and wonder what was going through his head at the time. I want it all back. But I won't. I haven't fallen that far down yet. I don't want to be weak. They're precious to me, and yet, I can't look at them. The feeling of betrayal is like a splash of freezing cold water, that makes me sick to my stomach. But I won't delete them either. I still want them. This is so confusing.