I thought that knowing you'd never pop up again would hurt more. I figured I would go through the same stages as before, mourning a loss that I never had a right to have in the first place. And yet, I find myself oddly at ease. It's a sensation I am not entirely sure of, and it does leave me feeling cautious most of the time. But, I am doing my best to embrace it and the change your absence has brought in my life.
Do I miss you? Of course. You were a big part of my life at one point, far bigger than even those within my reality. Do I wish I could still talk to you? At times, yes. I find myself seeing things, or reading something and my mind travels to you. Songs, in particular, have a way of sending me back to the days when all my time and focus was yours and yours alone. I intentionally test myself by reading over conversations from our past, roleplays in which our characters met seamlessly and were nearly one and the same. It gives me a sense of nostalgia more than anything, and proves that things are different. I am different.
I will always adore you and hold a special place in my heart for you and all you have done for me. How can I not, when without you I would still be stuck in the mold of my former self. I owe you more than you know, and probably care to accept, and I'll treasure our time always. You'll forever be my wolf....
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The workings of a rather strange mind...
Within this journal, I have a tendency to ramble and I won't apologize for it. My thoughts, feelings, everything that I am exists within all of these words. If you don't like them, feel free to not read them. They aren't for you, they're for me.
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