Hmm
So last I wrote was a rant when I was in a student in my 3rd university. I was 24. And guess what? I'm in a different university again! This time in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Yes, I am revealing the location. Why? Because I don't really like it here even though I do like it here.
Why don't I like it here? Well first off, I don't see any of my favourite things here. Anime, manga; that's what I'm talking about! The internet here sucks, I mean connection wise. There's that language barrier that makes it hard for me to talk to anyone even to my own parents! Yes, I am bitter.
You see, I've discovered online shopping back when I was home (oh sweet, sweet south-asia) and it was easy to get stuff there and then. I had bank accounts, debit cards, money in the bank accounts and access to internet shopping; access to anime merchandise shopping! Sure the internet access to some part of the internet is restricted (no p*rn for you dude) but I had ways to buy things I WANT anytime. And I get them stuff delivered right to my doorsteps!
Aside from the online shopping, I had plans and events I could go and participate in. This year after my dear old father decided for me to study in Bosnia, all my 2017 plans were destroyed! All those AMC conventions!!!!!!!!!!! I have a car (still have it, just no access to it) and I could drive anywhere in my country, on my own terms, to any convention I wanted to go. I have no car here. The family has a car....a company car that is. And I refuse to drive that decade old thing even if it is a Touareg! Remember, the company is rich (and my dad too) but not me.
Let me elaborate a little bit about the internet thing. Back in my sweet, sweet South-Asia my phone plan was a post paid plan; with set internet data every month. 10 GBs weekdays and 10 GBs weekends and a total of 20 GB a month, every month! I don't know what that feels like to other countries, but where I was 2 months ago that means I get internet access almost anywhere in the country and it's just slow in some areas. But I can have internet basically anywhere! For no extra charge cuz I don't even use them all up each month.
Here's the thing in Bosnia, I don't speak the language. I don't read the language. I don't understand the language. Back in my home country at least there was an option where every (well, almost) written thing are available in English! I even opt for every interface I encounter to be in English (banks, internet banking, phone options, etc). Here, everything is in Bosanski.
Okay, maybe I am being unfair. The people here speak just that one language while my countrymen speak 3 different languages. We're that diverse. And maybe it's due to me living in a country where multiple languages are spoken as their mother tongue that I don't really understand the culture here. Then again, we all speak at least one same language; either Malay or English. That's probably why I feel so out of it here. My countrymen were all at least bilingual with the 2nd language being English or Malay. And it isn't odd for someone to be multilingual. I consider myself to be multilingual. I can speak, read and write in 3 languages; 4 if I count Arabic though I can't really speak the language. I can read and write fine. Being a Muslim helps with that. My point is, no matter what our mother tongue were, we understood each other and most foreigner too!
Okay, maybe being a post-war country is the reason why it is not developing fast....er. It is developing, just at a snail pace. The university I'm currently attending, yes most of them speak English....at the side. Okay, I'm using okay a lot haha, that wanting to be in a flock where the people are similar to you is actually a very human thing. It's just not my thing. Even when I was back in my own country, I did not mingle well with, well, everyone. Not really. I mingle well with kids, they like me a lot (don't really know why) but I guess I avoided people my own age like the plague. Their interests and mine never seem to match. Or maybe it was just that I don't smile. I know I don't make any efforts to stay friends with anyone, save maybe for my one and only best friend way back from primary school.
Why is it that anyone older than me (or even my age) always talk about the opposite sex or fashion or marriage? Or just generally complain about people. See, I complain about people too but why should I share it with other people and influence them to dislike that person? I know I'm a pretty easy to influence kind of person. One time I was convinced to buy this language learning tool, a linguaphone and I nearly had my parents buy the thing. And a little back when I was still a teenager I successfully convinced my dad to enroll me in an international writing class which I never attended or got involved with after the first 10 books arrived. I'm what my dad says a blade of grass. Whichever way the wind blows, I'll follow it. I know that and that's one of the reason why I don't wanna be with most people, even with my own mother!
My point is, I don't have the same materials to talk about when I am with the generic people. I know this thing where people feel like they don't belong is something EVERYONE feels. That's why they end up pretending to fit in. I've tried it. It's not to my liking so I said I'll just be me. Why should I bother going to someone if they were going to pretend that they like something that they don't. I don't pretend to like fashion. I hate it. Hate is a bit too strong but it's not worth my time either. I wear what fits me and in the end people will still hate what I wear. I'm fat so there's really not much sense in talking about fashion with anyone. Not that I care about it in the first place. I wear what appeals to me and what won't be too heavily criticised by the masses. I have to say, "How Do I Look?" Asia had me very angry by the 2nd season. One of the 'target' wasn't even wearing anything unusual but because her family thinks she wasn't dressing appropriate, they made her go on the show. I get it when the participants were wearing too small a pants or blaring pinks mixed with blaring green and orange but to add a person who prefers darker garments in her own size? Seriously?
I've lost track of what I was complaining about. Yes, people. In Bosnia. I don't really have much to complain about the citizens of this country. They are very peaceful people compared to my countrymen. I know they want peace because they have tasted chaos recently. The people who lived through that war period is still alive today and that's why they can appreciate the peace. The youngsters are already showing obvious signs of rebellion but because most of the adults lived through the war, they are teaching the younglings to be peaceful. When I say adult in Bosnia, I'm referring to those ages 25 and older. They actually lived in a war period and actually suffered.
Again, I've lost my train of thought. Someone in there is messing with the rails lol (not really a fan of Inside Out but it was a fun watch).
The internet is not really bad here. You can watch p*rn, which is a big plus, and stream stuff without the restriction (another super big plus) but only where you stay in one particular spot for a log period of time. In my case, I only have really good internet when I am home, or the house my dad lives in.
By the way, I am living with both parents and it sucks. 27 years old and out of six siblings, I am the one who they chose to have under their nose 24-7. And I am the eldest for goodness sake! Fine, fine. My fault entirely. 3 universities and not a single graduation will make any parent seethe. And really for those 3 universities I was left alone. Imagine this, my dad has been working out of the country, constantly, since I was 19. He's worked overseas before when I was a child but then he returned and worked locally for about 4 years before venturing out again.
Back to when I was 19, that was when he got the Bosnia assignment. I was 19, secondary school and matriculation college I lived in prisons (hostels) and then when I entered my first university a whole new world opened up before me. I was literally free to do anything. And I did everything I wanted to do. I didn't want to go to class, I wanted the internet 24-7, I wanted to be away from people, I wanted to go out whenever I wanted to go out and I did whatever I wanted. I'm repeating, so what? Naturally my education took a fall. More like an accelerated rocket propelled dive to the pit. I took a whole year off from any studies until my dad came back from Bosnia and dragged me to my second university for a diploma program which then I ditched in favor of a bachelor's degree in my third university. Imagine this, I finished 90% of the course, heck you can say I completed 95 percent of the course and I flunked. One research paper. That's all.
Can you see the irony, I failed because I didn't want to write even though I love writing. But I realized one thing, that bachelor's degree sucked the creativity out of me. Back when I was 19 to 22, I wrote stories, drew up pictures and imaginary maps, came up with awesome manga story lines but when I studied English for professional communication my creativity almost literally dried up. I didn't read anything other than research papers and books on really boring stuff like human communication, business organization and I used to finish 3 novels a week! Not a 100-page novels, these were 500 to 1000 paged novels. I didn't draw much and I didn't even touch my novel idea book. So when I was told to write a research paper, I just went "No more. I can't do it." Instead I went to conventions to waste money on anime merchandises hahaha
Okay so I've turned from complaining about Bosnia to complaining about my home country life. That don't sit too well doesn't it. The internet thing, what I wanted to complain was the pre-paid internet service for phones. On top of the interface being in Bosanski, it's not really good in the connection wise. Then again, the country is still developing....at a snail pace. Maybe in a decade it'd get as good as my home country. I'm not really looking forward to waiting. I'd rather go back to my country.
There are good things about this country other than the pretty much restriction-less internet. The weather's nice and icy this time of the year. I've lived in one other 4 season country and that was India. But you see, middle India (gahaha, sounds something LOTR would have) doesn't snow. Snow is a foreign concept to me and I've only seen natural snow once. And that was here back in 2015. So far, having lived 2 months in Autumn I must say I like the weather here compared to my always hot and humid home country. The weather here is so nice I that I don't mind staying out for longer than an hour. I don't sweat profusely, that helps. I can be sweating just by standing at my doorway back in country, imagine that, and it was all year long! I very much rather freeze to death at my doorway than sweating a puddle.
Funny enough, you see I wear multiple layers of clothing even back in my home country. It was hot underneath but I lived with it. Here, 3 layers ain't enough baby. And those 3 layers aren't just thin cotton shirts and I still suffer from the cold! I really did not expect it to be this ridiculously cold. Even thus, I still rather die freezing to death than sweating my pores out! I know I'm making light of this matter. I don't want to die. I want to live and go to Japan again one day, this time on my own terms.
Okay, I've pretty much run out of things to share. I'll say something again next time. For now, I'm just out of stress. Haha, if that makes sense to you then you are old. I don't share my stresses main cuz I don't have anyone to share it with. But I realized that as a child going in to teenhood I did have a way lash out. It was through writing. What I'm trying to say is, I hope I will do this again. Lashing out via typing.
That's all. Bye.
Nick_austin90 Community Member 
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