I often times wonder if this malaise I so lament will ever go away. There are times when I can think free and clearly but I'm uncertain if it's just my mind trying it's best to soothe the constant sense of urgency or if I'm just off my rocker.
The truth is I don't think I'm mad as a hatter as I'm fully aware of what I'm doing and why I do what is I do. With that in mind I feel as if I more or less walk on the razor's edge of sanity and the dark void or a certain kind of madness.
I don't like to romanticize dark thoughts nor do I like to dance in reverie at the thought that I maybe in fact be indeed crazy. Rather, I believe myself stable enough to rub elbows with madness and really appreciate the stability that I can claim for the most part.
I don't know.
Either I'm crazy or I like the idea or being crazy.
Maybe I'm just in a mood and down in the dumps.
Perchance I spend too much time in my head despite being ever present in the world around me.
Who's to say at the end of the day? I mean here I am just jouting down what may come off as utter nonsense to others. As I read what I write even I think it to be nonsensical, so does that mean I think as myself as so? No. However, I have my doubts.
It's a rabbit hole that goes deep and the more I gaze into it the more I grow frightened, but the curiosity is still there

That's enough nonsense for now.