Can’t sleep. Went to bed early but I woke up at 11. Good for taco, because that means he gets dinner & pain meds/cuddles in my bed
Bad for me because that means I’m left aka one with
SadBitch
That’s not very nice. What can we call her instead?
Only things that come to mind are Gloom from Pokémon & Eeyore
I’ll put my waves back on & hopefully that’ll help.
I’ll think of a nicer name another time. For now let’s think on what she likes to do
Naps are a biggie. Instead of napping randomly, I’ll plan the Naps as a treat (an can have little nap as treat?) so I can go back to looking forward to them.
Or maybe meditating when I want the nap. Maybe my mind wants to rest.
I think working out when I want to smoke is a good swap too. Work out the mania, get the endorphins or whatever pumping & then smoke/meditate to cool down
Maaaaaaannnnnnnnn I’m gonna hit a music rut soon I know it
Maybe I’ll see what I listened to in the past few years & see what I can find
I miss cuddling. There’s something about adulthood that just has you craving the simplest things. Hugs & cuddles are it for me. It used to be kissing. But I only know a couple people who are decent enough for it to be enjoyable. Two are meh. One is Him💕 & the last is currently a maniac. It’s being held, cuddled that I really miss. Being wrapped up & feeling safe.. content..

Crazy thought. Fwb? I can control my feelings if it means I can hold him, I think this is residue from the crazy dream I had a week ago. I want Him in my life. I’m not sure it could ever be in the romantic setting again with our history & my problems. But man... are we compatible... that Amy moment I had with the maniac solidified what I already knew. Love is blind. I knew what I wanted. Maniac was available. Close enough. Mhh. Maybe I miss the intensity of it all. I know I miss Him as a person.
I miss Him
I love
Mh. I’m so exhausted.