I remember a time when I used to LOVE the fact that it was my birthday. I would run around my classroom telling every kid I could that it was MY birthday today, that I was the special kid that day. I remember waking up excited to pick out my outfit for school, wondering what my cake would look like after dinner, and wondering if I would get a phone call from my Dad.
The older I get, the less fun it becomes. I don't know if it's just an age thing, where everything in life just gets more dull as time goes on. Maybe. With each passing birthday, I hear from less and less family and friends. At this point, I feel blessed to hear from my Mom and maybe my s/o. This year, I didn't even have cake. With each birthday, it just gets worse and worse. I hate celebrating my birthday and I'm slowly starting to hate participating in other's birthdays as well. Whats the point? I wish them a "Happy Birthday!!!" and continue on with my day.
Today is my dad's birthday. Its not that I hate that its HIS birthday. I just hate birthdays. Everyone expects something: gifts, visits, phone calls. My sister reached out to me and invited me to their house for a birthday dinner. This hurt. I know I'm being extremely selfish about it, but I have my own reasons. My dad decided to start a new family, and when he did this, I became back burner. That's when I started to hear less and less from him, less birthday calls, less checking in, less caring how I was doing in school or how my life is. My past birthday, when I'm used to getting a phone call although usually only 5 minutes long, I got a text instead. And usually that call involves some sort of plan for a visit. Nothing, instead he decided to support my Ex with his baby shower. That's a story for another day.
But how am I supposed to feel, when after years of being placed at the bottom of the totem pole, my sister is now mad because I declined a surprise birthday dinner for my dad?
I hate birthdays. yum_cupcake
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A lot of music that i find favorable or highly relateable at the time. Sometimes i'll be feeling feisty and actually post some quality entries.
it ain't my fault that i'm out here gettin' loose
gotta blame it on my juice, baby
99% chance of tipping.
emotion_rainbow