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thoughts
What is that is expected of me? Have I not given enough yet? Goddamn...... no one is ever happy with me. Despite how far I come and how I rise still it's never good enough. Maybe I shouldn't care as much as I do and I shouldn't let things phase me like I do. But I'm not sure that would really cure anything. I can't run away and I can't hide from this s**t. I wish I had all the right words though. I wish I could say them and make all this s**t jsut go away. I wish I could make this world a better place. No more pain, exterminate all the hate, cure your rage. But we'll never see that day. But despite that the world doesn't have to be such a piss poor place if only people would own to the s**t they do. Everyone always feels completely justified in hurting others and ******** them over. I've tried and I've tried to be a decent person but I was too naive and too blind to really see that there was nothing there for me. And I know I sound incredibly selfish and self-centered. And that actually bothers me, that's not the type of person I want to be. I just want to be ok and to be free from the nightmares, and the hate. I want to be rid off all the screams and I want to be me. I know I will never meet the expectations that have been set for me and I'm tired of trying. But I still feel horrible cause here I am bitching about all this s**t that bothers me while there are thousands of people out there who have had it far worse than me and continue to get ******** over. Kids with no dads, and no moms. Kids who get beaten and ******** by parents. Wives that take their kids to school while trying to hide her black eyes. And what gets to me is how blind we can be to all this. Everyone sees them but no one bats an eye. No one does anything to help them. I guess it's just easier to ignore them. I guess it's easier to cope with if we just pretend they don't exist and that we don't do our fair share to contribute to all of this. But their your sons and their your daughters, a generation of kids you tried to hide away. You pray to your god and sit in church every sunday. I guess it's faith well spent can I hope your god saves you cause I know I can't forgive you for what you've done. You sit in church next to the wife you beat and the kids you ******** and exploit, but that's ok cause when the communion tray comes around you throw in your $2. Congratulations you've bought another week's worth salvation and care-free living. So go home and repeat the cycle again and have ******** up your kids. Pray to your god I hope hears you in your final dying hours. We're a generation that's given up and lost our faith. How can you have faith in something like that. If god really loved the world enough to send his one and only son to die for a bunch of ungrateful sinners, you think he would be able to stop these atrocities we see each and every day. Our country is supposed to be the greatest country in the world, and we're off fighting wars in every country. While the real war is at home in our streets. The rising crime, the abuse, neglect and all the hate. But where's the funding for this. We can afford to build bombs and manufacture bullets but not clothe and feed our homeless. God bless the US of A. Stars and stripes forever and all that good s**t...... God how naive I've been to think that all this would stop. How naive I was when I believe the crooked politician that promised a better tomorrow. Life is pain and it's a constant struggle from day to damn day. What am I supposed to say...... I see all of this going on. Am I supposed to do what you and make another excuse for why things work this way. But see the thing is excuses will only work for so long then it starts to get old and the line wears thin and frail. But like I said maybe I just read too much into things and I'm way to ******** naive
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