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I guess...love has taken its toll on me. And I did NOT quote that from the song. I am so not in the mood for any jokes...I'm being serious...
What's ironic is that today I felt fine. Not the perfect day, but I was hoping things were to turn out right after another episode of Inuyasha. Unfortunately, I just had to go online and find something that just shattered me. Not immediately, but...just that. It took me a bit to feel the pain so strongly...but that doesn't mean I'm insensitive.
I never really believed that something like this could happen...it was great, Hayato. I just don't know what's been on your mind...I thought you didn't want to hurt me. I thought you wanted me to be happy. Let's just say that at the moment, I'm not. And I don't think that I'll ever be happy again. I know it's very cliché, but...just take it. We never really got to talk properly since the 5th of September...your 18th...the day school began there again...It's been 9 days.
I just hope we can just get things over with and done, and make everything clear and final. Not that I'm applying any pressure. Just get things clear and straight. If you say anything like such, stuff like what you had said to me about 3 hours ago, don't leave messages. Rather, tell me straight. You couldn't exactly wait. I know it would hurt me more if you had told me straight, but still.
Honestly, I don't know what's going on. No wonder I was acting weird earlier. I was myself...until that specific time today...I returned to my depression, and I pretty much knew and had a feeling that something was wrong.
It doesn't matter if you care or still love me. All that matters is that I love and care for you still, and I always will. You're not gonna do anything about it, Neither will I, or anyone else.
And...I can't keep this inside. I need to talk to someone. I need to cry in front of someone. I need to cry to someone. I can't. Charrise isn't around, and she's the best to cry to. I can't talk to Mom about this. I just can't. It'd make me feel foolish.I'll just try to keep it in, not to cry.
I know that before, when we'd fight, I'd offer to leave. Like, if you really want me around, then it's goodbye, Hayato Hiryu. Familiar? I really don't know if you can remember. Now that you don't exactly want me around anymore.
I must confess that I never meant that. I was just confident that we wouldn't break yet. But now...I really don't know. But I still don't want goodbye yet. I never want that. I never...I just don't...*breaks down*
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I guess...that it's karma. I've broken a few hearts...I don't know how many I've really broken, but I've broken hearts. But...now, I guess that it's my turn to get hurt. I haven't done anything wrong, and I wonder what triggered this. And this is when I know what love how can get. I mean, I was hurt by Ed, but now I now know how bad love can really get. Well, as far as now. Since...Ed never really said anything hurtful straight up to my face. But my Love did...I'll forgive him if he wants it...but my heart will...*swallows awkwardly* forgive him anyway...
~
I don't know what's next...I hope I'll find out soon. 'Coz this is what's gonna be on my mind for quite some time. I'll try to take it. IF it's what he truly wants. I just want him content. So there...I'll still be taking the hits though...it'll be harder though...
I love you Hayato Hiryu...I always will...no matter what...
P.S. Yami Hayato, Yami Mary sends you her love as well...kill her if you want her gone as well...
 Mary Hiryu · Thu Sep 14, 2006 @ 11:20am · 0 Comments |
