Yesterday's aftermath was horrible. The pain just had to start again this morning. Our first period for the day was Filipino class. Since our teacher hadn't given us homework at our last meeting, she decided for us to have some class activity. I was cool with it, minding my own business with pencil and notebook in hand trying to write things down instead of talk. I just couldn't talk. It's just how I am when I'm bummed out and depressed. The class was asked to sit on the floor to form a circle. We were to discuss matters.
Miss Sinfuego: Ang i-didiscuss natin ngayon, class, ay tungkol sa mga relasyon. [Class, what we are to discuss now is about relationships.]
That's when I felt bad. I just simply felt bad. I had a feeling that it wasn't gonna be good...
Miss Sinfuego: Hindi lang sa ordinaryong relasyon, kundi ang mga relasyong romantiko. [But not just any ordinary relationships, but romantic relationships.]
That's when I felt like I was gonna cry...and I did. It took me a bit to notice that the tears had overflown out of my eyes and had started to slide down my cheek.
Miss Sinfuego: Walang plastikan, walang ganun. [No plastic remarks, or such.]
In short, she meant that we had to be honest with our answers. It was a "spin the bottle" type of thing wherein to whom the bottle would point at would be the one to answer the question.
First question: "What were the 3 qualities that you admire and need in your loved one?"
I really don't remember who was first to be asked, but I think it was Marian. She was the last one I remember speaking. Or I think it was Marian... I didn't really listen to her answers though. I was just too drowned in misery to even pay attention to Charisse asking me what was wrong. To get her to understand, I wrote down "He broke up with me" in sloppy handwriting and showed it to her.
Charisse: [in a sympathetic and merciful and pitying and shocked tone] Aww...ouch...
My face broke, and I ripped off the bottom part of the paper that had what I wrote on it and angrily crumpled it and threw it over my shoulder and cried a bit. I was just too upset and hurt. Next, I left the class to what they wer doing when everyone started to laugh, howl, and deliberately cleared their throats. I didn't care who was next until someone shouted "Go Ma-an!" I looked up at the bottle and saw it was pointing in my direction. It was the most unfortunate of times. Why so soon? I couldn't say anything. I didn't have the nerve to say anything. I wanted the class to know how great Hayato was by stating 3 of the qualities I love best of him [which would also mean the 3 qualities that I require in my loved one], but I couldn't say anything after what his alter-ego had said to me last night. I didn't have the courage to say anything. I just couldn't say anything. Period. I let my head drop, tried to get my handkerchief as quick as I could and cried in front of everyone. I tried to keep the sounds in; I tried not to sob out loud. But they heard anyways. I buried my face into my hands, crying. After Miss Sinfuego got the point that I couldn't exactly attend her class, she allowed me to stay out and not attend her class.
Miss Sinfuego: Lumabas ka lang kung ayaw mo mag-attend ng klase ko. [Go out if you don't want to attend this my class.]
So I went outside, since I just couldn't stand the topic, and crashed onto the floor sobbing right outside the classroom in the corner. I leaned against the wall sobbing trying to get over myself. That wall was the one opposite to the one I would lean on when I wanted to be alone and could only think of a former crush to cheer me up. My classroom now is just across the one I was in last school year. Then Miss Sinfuego came after me and stooped down to talk to me. She asked if there was something wrong. I said there was nothing wrong. She said that I had to see her later in the Faculty Center and wait for here there after class to talk to her about whatever was on my mind that made me make a scene in class. I said that I would. But I didn't even bother... I just couldn't take it. It wasn't clear. Where did I go wrong? I really had to know. I had to pull myself together...but I just couldn't. Not now...it's too soon...way too soon...
Yami Hayato: Mary...try to take it slowly...
I really don't get it...it's like he just wants to slip out of this relationship for something else. It's like he wants to get rid of "us" to get to something he wants now. It's like out relationship is in the way. And he allowed Yami Hayato to overcome him to cover everything up. But I honestly don't know. I need him to explain. Only he can. And I need an explanation to settle me. But I know very well an explanation wouldn't be enough. I need him...I won't stop until I get him back...I just have to...I...I need him...
Mary Hiryu · Fri Sep 15, 2006 @ 04:06pm · 0 Comments |