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To those that care enough to read this thing;
Only if you are prepaired to hurt should you read this. Sounds like a very forboding disclaimer, doesn't it? Heed it's warning.
Anyway, given the nature of this passage, be prepaired to feel some sort of emotion. Hell, grab a tissue box, you might need it.
If anyone does read it though, I would like you to make a comment with a period in it. <--That thing, the one that stops sentences. Only a period. I don't want any comments about it, as hopefully you will understand why after you have read up to that part. If you even get there before forgetting that what I have poured out onto this keyboard, what I would have written in blood had it been on paper, are my feelings. And no matter how hard you may try to discredit them, they are still mine and if you care enough, it's time you should know them.

I believe that to be enough of a label on this. Hell, I probably shouldn't have even put it there in the first place becase then maybe you'd read it... or not...

Let it begin. You all know what to do with white font.

Nevermind. Don't read it. I'll hurt you too much. I don't want to hurt people although that's too much to say for others.


"You don't see me, you don't"

I don't care if you see me or not. I'm tired of relying on people I though I could trust, people I though were my friends. I learned something last night. That something was that no other person in the world is going to be able to help people like me without themselves breaking. I'm sick of wanting support and recieving nothing. My life's too ******** up to expect anyone to help me. I've made it this far, thinking that I have gotten here only because of others. Bull s**t. I'm here because I decided I WANT to be here. I'm not giving up because some people out there can't stand to think about what is going, I am not going to pretend that I've been helped to walk all this time. It's bull s**t. I've been standing because I've ******** wanted to keep standing. None of you have helped me with that. All you have done is make me feel sad that noone wants to talk to me or actually listen to what I'm saying. ******** YOU ALL. ******** you.
I've been standing on my own all this time. All you all have done is made me sad about s**t that really has no relevance anymore whatsoever. I can't say that you have made me stronger. You all made me weaker. You all made me think that I depended on you. I don't. I don't depend on you and I never have. I though I had depended on you but I turned out wrong. All you ******** care about are your significant others. Your eyes have not only been blinded by what has been going on, but you have blinded mine as well because I though I could count on you being there for me.

You weren't and you never will be.


"Of course I see you, I do."

Obviously you see me. It's kind of hard to ignore what is not there. But at the same time, human minds are so advanced that if they think something will happen, they convince themselves the event will happen and it ends up happening. "Oh, Kelly's situation witll get better."

Actually, that's correct. That last quotation is correct. I am going to get better because I no longer have false hope in you all that I though I did in for so long. I know that you all have lied numerous times to me before. You have little time to give me because you all are so busy.

Keep your precious time. All it was doing is sinking me.

I was told by someone, the one who made me realize this, that if a friend doesn't give the light of day for you, doesn't give you any 'matienence', they don't need to be around you because all they are doing is boggling you down. I have enough on my mind to deal with already. I don't need empty promises, fake smiles, and last priority time slots. No, I don't DESERVE it. I have done so much for you all. I get this in return. If you can't take something I say, and fully listening to it, and try to figure out things from it that you possibly couldn't comprehend before and turn it around on me, saying that you are justified in your actions against me and I deserve to feel hurt, then after arguing I accepted that; "woah, maybe they are right, Maybe I am a horrible person"; do you accept me back. Only when all the blame and hate and anger and sadness and BLOOD is all back on me. Only then do you decide that I deserve to be around you again.
I'm not your ******** scapegoat. Stop putting your problems on me and making me carry thim. You won't help me carry mine, you haven't in so, so long. Tell me why I should help you carry yours. Hilariously though, I will help anyone. Even if that person won't return the favor. I'm just like that. I give of myself to recieve garbage back. Garbage. ******** garbage. Rancid meat, oil-coated cardboard, stale and expired milk, greasey napkins; you get the idea.

I used to wonder if I really deserved my friends.
Now I wonder if my friends really deserve me.