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Great...this is just too great...too goddamn ******** it...just ******** it all...I'm sick of this happening...although I can't blame him...I mean, I'd feel the same...
I want to get this straight. I made a new account together with him because there were too many guys talking to me and he wasn't comfortable with it. My old account was too "social" in a way. Exposed and socially healthy. And then these guys come along and think I'm pretty cool and everything and they start to talk to me and it's fine with me. And then I met Hayato...the one who impressed me the most. I was still having conversation with those guy friends I had and, of course, he knew. He felt insecure about it, as I was talking to guys...thinking that I was just playing him around. I have to admit...I am the most honest, loyal and trustworthy girl he's ever actually gonna find. Not to be vain as I usually am...but it's true. I see and know lots of other chicks and well, there's a bigger possibility for them to cheat and lie...that's one thing I'd never do. Or maybe I'm just helpless...doing everything just to keep him...being a doormat and all...I guess that's what I'll always be. I just want to spoil my loved one...that's just how I am...I'm just too affectionate, caring, sympathetic, and all the other traits of such. I'd never lie. I'd never cheat (although I had a reason why I left my ex for Hayato...). I'll always be there for him. He's the only one I'd die for.
It's not exactly the best day I've had so far...as it's just about 5:40 in the morning. Ever since midnight, my Dad has been a drunken freak. He didn't wanna go home; he wanted to keep on drinking. At that, I slept by the hour. But the last time I slept was at about 2am when I checked if Hayato was online on YM or not. I woke up 3 hours later...and missed him...that's just.....nevermind...I'm not in the mood to swear, I'm rather in the mood to cry... Everytime I miss him and I just make him mad, I feel horrible and insecure...it makes me feel like he's not gonna be coming back online just to talk to me even for a little bit...we fight too often...I have too many issues...I'm just ******** up...even my parents say so...and this time, Dad gave me a hit about how even my boyfriend wouldn't be able to stand me...that just hurt too much...I wanted to throw my lunch to floor and just cry in my room...since it's how it seems...
...I can't believe I've become this unbearable...I'm just...I don't even know what I am anymore...I feel horrible...I feel useless...I feel like nothing again...
...why in the ******** am I like this...I hate you all...
 Mary Hiryu · Sat Nov 25, 2006 @ 09:47pm · 0 Comments |
