Yesterday was a rough day for me. I didn't feel good, i was tired, and i offically broke up with one of my best friends in the whole entire world.
At first I felt totally bad about it. The sadness crept upon me like he would sneak up from behind me in the hallways. Funny analogy but it's sorta true I guess.
He's a nice guy... but I don't want my depression and strong feelings affect anything. I don't want to lose him as a friend. I rather lose him as a boyfriend even though it would still mean getting hurt. There's a difference between the two. Friends mean the most to me. I know that if I lost him as a friend, I'd cry more than I have recently.
I'm glad everything turned out fine in the end. ^_^ I'm glad he doesn't have to worry about it anymore, and I'll try not to either! hehe He's sweet for trying to make the relationship work... even though it seemed completely fake to me and it somewhat hurt my feelings. I wasn't the only one confused when we were going out. He was too. In that sense, I feel inconsiderate and low because I didn't take the time to see how he felt... well I sorta did... but not enough.
Now I'm happy. I can finally be his friend again. It going to be how it always was. I'll have a secret crush on him, while we just regularly talk and I call him bald! YAY!!! ^_^
No but seriously... even though I'm like... never happy... I can always count on him to make me smile. Despite all the fake smiles I put up in the past, I can make my smiles work this time. Fo' sho!! (<-- lol)
Well about the title "I'd do it again if i could"... well ofcourse. Cause I still like him. And imagine if everything was for real. *getting all excited* Heh... it would be nice I suppose... and maybe when that happens, I will be truely happy for the little time that will come. I don't care how long it is, I just want it to be real...
Mari Lambo · Fri Jan 05, 2007 @ 11:27am · 0 Comments |