It feels like it has been forever since I have written anything in here, but life certainly made me busy. And I was reading others Journals too so I felt a little overwhelmed at much time has past and the emotions that came with it.
I was in love with a friend for many years and leaving high school taught me that I loved the past- not who he was now. I admit it was sad to realize that Junior year, but it made my Senior year easier...somehow. I knew the end was coming and I think I made myself numb to it so that way I wouldn't fall into a deep hole of sorrow. It was funny actually-how "the end" came...It wasn't earth shattering or even that painful when I was rejected. It was more of... a quiet realization and contentness. Like watching a summer sunset alone on a hill. I knew the rejection was coming-it was so clear-yet I knew I wanted to do something. I wanted to capture that last moment of speaking to him-of telling him my feelings. Like an artist painting and capturing that one summer sunset that can never be repeated or replaced in their life- that one moment where everything falls together and fades away into the stars.
Haha, I know it sounds silly, but thats what it was like...and I wouldn't change it for the world. He was one of the greatest things that happened to me and I plan on having many more great things.
And right now...after 2 years of having my heart tucked away... I have found someone special again smile . When I was younger, I had fully believed Fate gave me a chance to care for my friend and that all I had to do was wait for him to love me.
But thats not true.
Love doesn't happen by chance, or come to you because of all the good deeds you have done, or just waiting for them to love you in return. Love is something you create by having the courage to step foward and say, "Hello". To just not overthink everything, to act a little silly because you're flustered, and to fully let someone into your heart.
It all seems silly or foolish in a way, but thats what I've learned. You got to fight for what you want to take care of, no matter what the end result will be-good or bad. Because if you never give it your all then you'll probably regret standing on the side lines, hoping for a miracle. Cause miracles don't save you or happen through chance- miracles start with courage on your part and its your outlook that gives you the happiness you always wanted.
"Repeat the good and the bad-and pile on the years".- Fruits Basket
· Mon Jun 18, 2012 @ 06:26pm · 0 Comments