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Rachi-chan's Boogy-Woogy Place!
Where I b***h, moan, rant... and talk about everyday life.
I need to vent
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Ugh. :/

Loving Myself
I've been feeling quite up-and-down lately with my life. Many good things, and many bad things, have happened. But I'm starting to fall into a mostly content category. I'm not sure why, but for the first time, I'm starting to really feel like a woman. Not a 'hormonal-teenager-with-stupid-problems-and-too-many-opinions' - but a woman. I'm beginning to see the beauty in myself. I have goals, real goals, to achieve now, and it feels great. I'm working towards loosing weight for my wedding. My goal? Fifty pounds lost by the time I go wedding dress shopping. I know I can do it with support from my loving fiance and friends. I'm starting to dress nicely [for the most part; Everyone has their lazy/I-don't-feel-good days], and I care about how my hair looks. I faced a root canal all by myself [******** scary!] and I'm tackling planning a wedding!

I feel somewhat empowered. Proud of myself. I've discovered planning a wedding is not easy. AT. ALL. It's a lot of work, lots of money budgeting and penny-pinching, and stress. But I'm slowly starting to see the details fall into place, and I'm so proud of what's been accomplished so far! My man is great - he's so involved, and he's happy to be! My dad is giving me money this weekend for a new pair of jeans [since I have two pairs of pants... Ugh.] and my baby and I are going up to my hometown to do some wedding shopping with our hard-saved money. We're also going to be checking out a couple flower shops for better price quotes [1500 for ******** flowers? Four bouquets, four boutonnieres, four long-stemmed roses and a head table piece? ******** that!!]. I'm so excited!

She is a horrible person, if you can even call her human. I'm sure she talks s**t about me all the ******** time, but here I am, only mentioning her when someone brings the topic up. I find it hilarious and somewhat pathetic that she can't even say my name - it's "Well I'm sure as hell not giving the money to HER!" and "Why would you want to marry that b***h?!" Seems my name is taboo in her mind. Ah well. At least my name matches who I am - perhaps that's why she's so bitter? Funny to me that she can spread all sorts of rumors, lie about even her own children, scream at me and call me childish names, and yet... I'm the horrible person. I'm sure she thinks I'm 'taking her son away from her' and that I'm 'a horrible influence - her son used to be so great, being her slave' then I had to 'show up and ruin everything'. She's so selfish. I'm glad she isn't helping with the wedding - I don't want her nasty hands touching anything for our wedding - I don't want her within 100 feet of our wedding. The only reason she's allowed at all is because of Brandon. I don't want her there - but I know she's his mother, and he wants her there. I won't ruin that for him.

But he has agreed that if she says anything - AT ALL - to ruin our wedding day, she's going to be forcefully removed. I told him not to worry, because how would be meet again before that day? I most certainly will be staying as far away from that fat cow as I possibly can; I'm sure she feels the same. But if she says anything to me on our wedding day, I'll rip her to shreds. She's allowed to say hello and congratulations - and that's it. The slightest bit of contempt I pick up from her voice, and she'll be getting a smack across the mouth and a boot to her ugly a**, right out the door. It's not her RIGHT to help with our wedding, and now it's not her privilege either. As far as I'm concerned she can sit in her bitter little corner all she wants, smoking her cigarettes and talking trash about me to everyone that comes near her. I couldn't give a flying ******** flip.

But the next time she insults me, my mother, my family, or my friends, I will be personally kicking her ******** a**. The next time she buys something for our wedding, her fingers will be cut off. The next time she tries to show up here, or call, or contact me in any way, I'll cut out her damn tongue and feed it to the ******** birds, or some of the people that live there. Most of them hate her too. It's no wonder she's always ******** alone, that her ex husbands wanted nothing more than to leave. She didn't get a wedding she wanted - well tough s**t. If you had been a nicer person, maybe they wouldn't want to leave you. Maybe if you didn't always think you're right, they wouldn't hit you in frustration. Frankly I feel worse for them for having to put up with you. She won't control anything - if she won't let Brandon and I use HIS ******** MONEY for our wedding, he'll just cut her off, take over his bills, and say "******** you, don't show up at the wedding."

She's not worth anything. Everything she does has a selfish motive behind it. She wants to help because she did it for her first son, so she can't look bad to others. If she doesn't help this one too, she thinks she'll look bad. And of course, can't forget about her crazy impulsive shopping addiction. She gives him food to get it out of her fridge so she doesn't have to clean it out, not because she wants him to eat well. She constantly uses the people around her, and thanks nobody. She thinks everything people do for her is owed to her, and more. That she's queen and everybody should bow to her 'kind, generous, graceful, loving' self. She treats her own children and grandchildren like s**t. She won't be alone with my children - ever. I don't trust her at all. Nothing she does or says is good - I firmly believe she has a heart of ice. Throwing a temper tantrum because we want to actually buy things for our own wedding; Because we don't want her taking control. Childish, immature, and psychotic. Grow up, for God's sake!

You aren't Mother Theresa. Nobody wants your help - it's not just me; There are so many people who can't stand her, who think she's a God-awful b***h that only cares about herself. She's going to spend the rest of her life alone. I, along with my entire family and friends, want nothing to do with her. I've already told people not to talk to her. Say "Hello" and walk away. We don't want her nastiness poisoning our family and our lives. She won't be given any courtesies. If she wants to play it like that, so be it. c**t needs to ******** get a life and stop screwing with ours. Poor ******** baby... Give it a rest. You're pushing everyone in your life away, all because of how shallow and mean you are. Vengeful, bitter, conceited, rotten to the core b***h.


I can't believe my life right now...
I can't do this anymore. Nobody understands. Not a single person. I love all of the people in my life - my amazing boyfriend, my great best friends, my mom... But they don't understand. They think I'm just blowing smoke, that I'll be over this in no time. But I'm starting to feel really sick - tired all the time, no matter how little or much sleep I get, random pains in my sides and back, hungry but nauseous, dizzy, hypoglycemic attacks, in so much pain. It feels like my body is shutting down. I've tried talking about it - they either only half listen, or they ignore me to talk about their own lives. I can't be their rock now - not anymore. Not until I get rid of some of this stress. But it just keeps building. I can't even cry - I've tried and tried, but... Nothing.

It's crazy, how betrayed I feel. I can't have a single day to myself. Either they want to b***h to me about how crappy their day was, or they want my advice, or they "need me to be there for them, because -damn- their life is hard" and "what would they do without me?" I want them to find out. As horribly selfish as that is, I'm beyond the point of caring. Loved ones in and out of the hospital, depending on me to be there and do things they need done. Friends worrying more about their drama-rific lives than about a friend. Financial stress. Melt downs. Pasts returning to haunt me. Disappointment after disappointment. Sleepless night after sleepless night. Their problems? Awful ex's coming back to haunt them. Work sucks and they need me to help them relax at the end of the day. Wanna talk about how boring your life is? Or how you think you're growing up, but in actuality you're just slowing down the process? Or how you're getting new things? How tired, frustrated, busy you are? Don't call me because I won't be here anymore. I'm sick of this s**t. I know they all care, but it really doesn't feel like it anymore. Am I blowing it out of proportion? No. Does everyone think I am? Of course. I'm the rock - the one they come to when they can't figure it out on their own, or when no one else will listen.

I try to talk, to show them how I'm slowly fading, and they turn their ears and hearts away. I can't make them understand - none of them can even fathom it. It's always about something, sometime, somebody else. It's time I stop worrying about everyone else, and just focus on myself. If I don't, I'll fade away to nothing. I'm sure nobody wants that. Or do they? With how focused everyone is on themselves, why shouldn't I be the same? But I can't. I've tried - I can't stop caring, worrying, trying to help everyone around me. I know it will be the end of me, but you know what? They can learn the hard way what it's like to live without me once I'm dead. Because this stress, unless I take control fast, will kill me. And I've tried taking control. I've exhausted every effort, every idea, every last resort I had. Nothing works. I should just accept it, really, that this is the life I was given, the reason I was born - to help others. My problems don't matter to anyone else, because they are insignificant - so small compared to their problems. So I'm done. If I can't distance myself from it all, it will be the end of me. Period.

Lotsa saving to do! o.o
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My new dream avi. :3


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Total Value: 2,280,400 Gold
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Item List:
Queue Demonique
Seraphic Bow
Tragic Melody
Zodiacal 9th Gen.
Spectacular Buntacular
Glittering Coal Carnival Skirt
Custom Cut
Painted Rose
Spicy DJ
Pepper Party

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Total Value: 1,168,232 Gold
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Black Academy Tie
Dark Halo
Queue Demonique
The Nightmare
Black Checkered Stockings
Pink Lowtoppies
Rock Angel
Sweet Cherry Earrings
October Birthstone Sash
Pretty Dog Leash

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Total Value: 217,280 Gold
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Rose And Milk Quartz Headband
Glittering Ice Carnival Skirt
Adamant High Elf Bodice
Holy $#17

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