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"Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."


~Robert Frost


It's been quite a while since I last lifted my pen to the pages of this journal... The ebullience of summer has long since begun to gradually and acquiescently fade into autumn.

Year after year, I have sought out the beauty of fall... Or at least, why it is so beautiful to me. Still, I cannot understand... Yet my vague and ambiguous knowledge is still somewhat of a comfort to my inquisitive mind.

What do I know already...? Well... I suppose that when I imagine fall, the first word that comes to mind is “rest”. Why...? Perhaps, autumn is a time of peace throughout the world... Whereas I myself am seldom at peace. I suppose I admire the Earth's ability to be reborn, after laying its aching body down to sleep.

And yet, do I want to lay down to sleep...? No, I don't believe I do. There is too much yet in store for me to accomplish, to attain, to fulfill... I have no time to rest. I cannot deny those who depend upon me my presence... I would never be able to swallow the guilt of leaving them, of shirking my duties.

Yet as I sit alone in this room, a room of friends, which I have probably not been in since I was ten years old... I begin to wonder why it is that I cannot be at peace. Yes, I have obligations and promises to fulfill, aspirations of my own... And for their sake, I cannot rest with the fall.

Ah, however... Something caught my eye just a moment ago, which changed my mind about everything.

My eyes and fingertips were mesmerized by the surface of a faded brown box, with dainty flowers painted meticulously upon it. Curiosity beguiling me of my senses, I lifted the lid carefully.

Music. A soft, gentle melody caressed my senses, soothing ears weary of the sounds of screaming, strife, and quarrel... I could not recognize the melody, at first... Yet suddenly, it occurred to me what it may be.

It was a melody that had mysteriously drifted into my mind, upon any occasion where I was absolutely miserable... Long ago in my childhood, it was always playing in the back of my mind, mystifying me, and assuaging my fears. It was a wistful melody, conjuring memories of sadness and comfort within me... I had never considered that it had a name, nor that it may have been outside of my own mind...

It was “Edelweiss”.

Finally, the melody had been discovered, no longer a haunting ghost of my past... Suddenly, although I didn't know the reason why, life had a meaning beyond “something to get through”.

Autumn is a time of rest... Yet not a time of death. Hearing the soft melody of my childhood affirmed this in me. I love the fall because it is a time of peace, and because it is a prelude to winter, which is followed by the beauty of spring. In the spring, the new will supersede the old... Yet the old will not be forgotten. This is how I want to be... I will be old, yet not forgotten. I want to be the peaceful, soothing memory to the hearts of those in pain, as fall is a time of peace and rest... I want to attain my goals not only for myself and others, but for the world. Once I have done so, I may finally find peace. That is my unspoken vow, as a vocalist, a friend, a future lover, and human being...

I will be the music box that sings forever.





 
 
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