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The thing I swore to never happen, happened. |
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It's been too long since I posted to this, and that is completely my own fault. I apologize to anyone who legitimately cared about this dream-log-blog-thing.
I awake in a bed that is not my own, in a house that I understand to be my aunt's.My father, aunt, and brother are in the living room, connected to the bedrooms by a short hallway. Everyone is seated to my right on the couch, but I turn left into the dining room to make myself some breakfast in the adjoined kitchen. The entire time it feels as though I'm disconnected from my family, as nothing is said or exchanged between us. I take a seat in the dining room to eat, when the front door - located in the kitchen - opens soundlessly and Hanako Ikezawa is standing there. I feel a mixture of fear, joy, and love as she steps over the threshold and closes the door. Fear, because my family had never seen her before, and she reacts intensely to first impressions based on her scars. Joy, because it had been a while since we had seen or spoken to each other, and I had thought we lost contact. Love, because, well, I was in love with her. Regardless of my fears, my family acted as though they had known her as long as I had. My aunt was very slightly put out that another person was requesting to stay in her house, but she allowed Hanako to stay. The dream ended before anything else really happened, but I vaguely recall taking Hanako's hand.
Alright, let me just preface this section with the fact that I felt incredibly silly writing the dream above. I have never known myself to be a serious "waifu" guy, only one in jest or casualness. That said, Hanako Ikezawa is one of the main dateable characters in the visual novel Katawa Shoujo. I suggest you Google it if you don't know what that is, it was pretty popular upon release and even now has a bit of a cult following. I suppose you're smart enough to put two and two together and come up with the result of: Yes, I did play a visual novel and yes, I did have a crush on Hanako. You'll just have to play the VN to find out why.
With the "required reading" out of the way, I can give you my own thoughts on what this dream means in regards to my life. First off, I want everyone to understand that this dream had absolutely no sounds in it. Not complete silence, but a sort of "artistic silence". There were no words spoken, and every noise that would have been made by anything had its volume turned incredibly low and had a light airy noise associated with it. Now, on to the "analysis" itself. I believe that Hanako in my dream is a sort of dual-nature reflection. She is both my buried-away desire for love, and my subconscious wish for my family to accept me as I am, rather than trying to force my hand into things. In the latter reflection, she symbolizes everything that I tend to hide from my family, including the fact that I play dating sims. As Katawa Shoujo was the one that I associate with almost regularly, Hanako was the one who showed up to reflect that. As Hanako doesn't react well to meeting new people, I feared that my family would push her away unintentionally. This reflects how I feel about revealing my "other self" to my parents and family; I fear they won't like what they see, and push me away or ridicule me. In the dream, my father symbolized both of my parents, and my aunt symbolized the rest of my family. The fact that my father and brother were accepting of Hanako possibly shows that deep down, I know that they'll still accept me for all that I am. My aunt having a short misgiving about allowing her to stay with us shows my uncertainty about the rest of my family accepting me for all that I am. This most likely stems from the fact that I don't spend as much time with them as I do my immediate family, so I have a harder time gauging what their reactions would be.
Going back to the first reflection of Hanako in my dreams, the desire for love, there's really not much to say about it. The only really symbolic thing I can think of was the hand-holding near the end, in the fade-out. What it symbolizes is most likely the fact that despite all my posturing and handwaving, I still truly believe I'll find love in this world, albeit faintly.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you did, and let me know what you make of the dream in the comments section. 'Til next time, may your dreams be serene and your awakenings peaceful.
Zephiur · Wed Nov 27, 2013 @ 07:03pm · 0 Comments |
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