Okay, so I'll try something new today. I will try to give an early review or comment on a movie that hasn't come out yet: Conan the Barbarian. Why? I just want to see if my prediction is accurate or not. If it's not, you can bash me, I guess. If it is, I will rejoice. That's all.
The way I'll do this is that I will give an early prediction on how good or bad the movie will be based on the trailers and stuff we've seen so far. This review is not meant to be completely accurate, just like the other reviews, so relax.
When looking at this film, we cannot help but think of the original Conan movie with Arnold the Governator (No way in hell I'm spelling his last name). The original movie gained fandom because it was Arnold's first film ever. For future reference, I will only discuss Conan's films, not literature or anything else.
Not only was Conan Arnold's first film but it was the one fil that made him famous. Despite the fact he didn't know a lot of English back then, he did a spot-on impersonation of a Barbarian; cold, heartless, strong-willed, a powerful warrior and someone who inspires fear just by looking at him.
For those who never watched the original, Conan goes through a lot of things; his parents are killed, he becomes a slave, he sleeps with a few woman, he gets his revenge, he is crucified, he gets drunk, he becomes a king at the end, etc. This not only shows he's human but counters his cold attitude: by showing he had human qualities and flaws (He gets drunk and someone catches him by surprise, he is seduced by an evil witch), you can see that despite his badass exterior, he's still a man.
Has anyone played God of War? Does anyone remember that the only enemy who Kratos could not defeat was a Barbarian? Kratos had to cheat by becoming Ares' minion. Otherwise, he would have died. And then you meet that Barbarian later on. And he's huge! He's one of the strongest enemies in the game.
But why did I bring that up? Because that's what a Barbarian should be: huge, intimidating, strong, a warrior all the way. He doesn't need to talk, he's got his sword to do the talking.
Now, the new Conan movie. -Sigh-
This new Conan looks so small compared to Arnold. We're all used to the original Conan and they give us this wimp. I suppose they're trying to give us a more contemporary Conan but it doesn't work like that. It's as if Batman suddenly gave up his mask and decided to wear some sort of make up to replace it just because they want to make him look more contemporary. It. just. doesn't. work.
This new guy just looks pissed. Extremely pissed. Meaning he has feelings.
Wrong again, new guy! Conan seemingly lacks feelings! There's a scene in the original Conan where his lover dies in his arm and they burn his body. Conan's friend cries as Conan watches with a poker face. His friend says a Barbarian never cries so he's crying instead. So there you have it, Conan does not have emotions. This new Conan seemingly does.
And speaking of similarities, this new Conan reminds me a lot of the Scorpion King with The Rock. A muscular guy, but not over the top, who's a warrior, he has a bit of charm but he is driven by revenge, he has feelings and he will become a king. Yep, I predict this new Conan will be a LOT, if not exactly, like the Scorpion King. Granted, the Scorpion King copied Arnold's Conan first, but this time around, it seems like Conan is copying the Scorpion King. And may I remind everyone that the Scorpion King was never nearly as popular as The Mummy? They decided to go with that macho-movie look by adding muscular badass guys that get laid left and right because they're just so badassly charming (Shut up, it's a word now). Oh, and cue the rock soundtrack too.
Sorry, but unless you're a fan of...remakes?, then you're probably going to have this movie. There are better movies out there right now. Cowboys vs. Aliens, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Captain America, need I say more?
Now we play the waiting game. Let's see how right or wrong I am.
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Scrutiny. With Tony.
I like to review everything; games, movies, shows, etc. But I never get a chance to discuss something in depth with people, simply because I lack the time. But that's about to change. I'm not saying I am awesome at it, I'm just having fun with it.
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Tony Rauschenberg
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