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Feeling Ditched
Well, it's 9:20 am and I am ditched. 9:20 is also (:@) so enjoy the roses.

Time for a rant. ranty-ranty-rant. Aka: run away now.

Well, my mom goes out every day while I sit here. Doing nothing. I mean she doesn't go ot and do anything fun-fun, but I mean I don't care if it's a two house drive or ten minute tape pick-up. I just wanna get outside of this damn house! I really hate it here. I mean it's pretty okay, but the most fun i've had this week, was making a sockmad/doll/thing with jessica YETERDAY that took all of 5 minutes. And the shiney-fun-ness woreoff when we got to the sowing part. Jessica says she knows basic sowing, but I doubt it. I mean thier is a huge structure difference in sowing needle to use by hand and a sowing needle to use on a sowing machine. So, that means that for a week I ave done nothing but Eat, sleep, breathe, other basic needs, and play one the compute&watchT.V. HELLO! Wake up! This is an excruciatingly boring summer. Four non-consectutive days are all the fun i've had. They were the two days of dollywood and the two days onee-chan and otouto were here. NOt a very eventful summer. There is, of course, the small burst of entertainment when RPing with Danna, but that wears off after the poptart massacre and gets back to boring. No offense, Danna. Swimming in the pool is okay. If you like the two pre-made options.

Option 1: Go outside inconspicuosly and quickly and lay in a complete transe on top of the water while your skin wriths on your body from the UV rays and threatens to make you a lobster because you don't have sunblock on because of your inconspic get out and go.

Option 2: take your time putting on sunblock and go out as inconspicuos as possible being not that inconspicuos because your sister is already in the kitchen stuffing her face and sees you leave and be in tranquility for a brief moment before the waves from another presence or even perhaps loud yelling and splashing (most likely the secon) knocks you from the peaceful world.

So yeah, thats a bundle of joy. Rightnow I have an option 3 of sorts because only one of my sisters are here, but its the youngest least annoying ADD bipolar mess making 7 yr old and I really don't want to deal with being yelled at because I wasn't "watching her" wich, I never do, but there would be a validating place to blame me if I was out in the pool, i'm sure. Anyway, option 3 would be to go out to the pool now why no one is here, but as I mentioned there is ember, and I have this little paranoia about being outside when no one is home or when it is too quiet, sooo.....



Really, all I want is to get out of the house once a week, but NO! I get stuck here where I have to supposedly watch ember because I am the oldest. They won't me use it FOR me, but they can use it against me! It's not fair. I take car of them for 7 years of my life (5 being uncounted because niether were born during my better years) and I get the shaft. Aka: I get screwedl; left behind; ditched; Dobe'd (aka dead-lasted) and basicly tossed aside. Lovely, ne?

Oh and let's not forget all the IOUs.

And the complete dissmissal of consideration towards me. This is not induced by an over-dose of hormones and there fore not a delusion. Really. If I ask and beg I get ice-cream and gum and a 20oz of diet coke. But when It comes to getting drinks in two-liter form it is forgotten that I hate pepsi. I only drink because they never get me a diet coke unless I am there to remind them, but as fore-mension I am ditched.

And therefore the pent-up annoyance and extra energy that has no outlet has been inducing a quiet rage and urge to stab thing repeatedly. Painting is soothing,but does little to get rid of stress. Which tolls on me physicly as well as mentally. When I am over-stressed or annoyed by back hurts more than usual. Which hurst very bad. And when my back hurts all I want to do is sleep or lay down and listen to music or watch T.V., but if I do that Iget yelled at for screw-up and mess-ups that would normally not have happened.

Not to mention I have been a b***h and useless in the past weeks by my mother. These words of wisdom help a daughter in her confidence, truy. NOT. I already have issues with my self-esteem and that doesn't help. What also doesn't help is the constant issue seeming to stand still every time aproached. I still do not know weather I am or am not going to skip a grade, and as far as I can see niether side is making any attempt at a figment of effort that could move this issue in it's progress toward the finish. I don't I will be able to skip. I have asked 1 before and it didn't even get this far. I got turned away almost the same day I asked. A question is posed now toward the faculty of my school and is also reflected upon myself: "Am I mature?" I have concluded that, yes I am, but no one will take me serious so in the end i look cocky and over-confident. Me being over looked for being insigifacant in age required to have wisdom and maturety that has been posed by bigot that do not give a child a chance to demonstrate that she can be as mature as any adult. This is true everywhere (wich is why I often pretend to be about 30 years older than I am in chatrooms. So that they take me seriously.) yet for some reason I expected college graduates who've been exposd to the writings of Sigmand Freud, Isaac Newton, and of corse, Darwin, to be a bit more interested in the possibility that some one like me could deserve said promotion.

In finale conclusion to my rant I say with as much sarcasm as can be produced by my being:

This is just great.

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