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Depression can be the most hardest thing to live with. I've been through it a lot and if can be difficult, especially if you're diagnosed with a mental disorder, like me since I have A.D.D.

People can think of suicidal and want to kill themself for what they've been going through and depending on what they've been going through the past and present.
I have been going through a lot of hard time in my childhood and current lifehood.


Right now I'm stuck in depression and it seems like it's getting worse.
I've been getting images of knifes in my head randomly and not even thinking about knifes until that image starts popping in my head for no entire reason. And also that Ive been having my conscience telling me in my head and giving me thoughts of to take Tylenol pm or either just plain tylenol and do an overdose on me when I actually do have mscule pains but actually want to get rid of the pain of the depression. I was ********.... this is getting worse than I thought.

I really don't want to go into depression and have to go make my family worried about me, taking me to therapy and watching me when I take anti-depressants.. my family is going through enough as it is, especially my dad having to deal with my grandma now being diagnosed with alzheimer's disease.
We can't really afford of doing anything that will ease my stress and depression.... and like a couple of years ago.. my depression was really bad. I was close to going to therapy and taking anti-depressants because that year I was going through a lot of things (don't really want to talk about it because its a lot to write down and it will bring back memories I don't want to remember) .. But my mom took me on a trip to help get rid of the stress and depression.. That really helped. a lot.
But now.. I dont' have anywhere to go to because of school which is going to make my depression worse and stress worse...

And I'm not even sure if I'm actually feeling depressed or if it's just a side effect of my medicine that I take for my A.D.D.... If this depression get's worse... I'm going to have to take a different medicine.. Or... Tell my parents that I'm actually AM feeling depressed a lot and thinking suicidal and having them take me to therapy and have me take anti-depressants.

I really don't want to do any of those things. we don't have the money... and I'm afraid of taking anti-depressants because of how my depression is, I might think of doing addiction to it. I don't want to do that because I don't want to become a druggy, nor alocohol addict, nor smoker...


So practically I'm stuck.. And need help .. But I have to hide it...

Which is bad for my health.