Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

idk. i accept that caroline is with cole. i really do. but whenever i see on facebook cole telling her he loves her or vice versa, i cant take it. thank god that i haven't heard it in person. i would ******** break down. i dunno. ********. ********. i dont know why but typing out swears helps me calm down since i cant yell them at the top of my lungs right now. i've moved on for the most part. i've been flirting but thats all. at least i didnt just move on right away the next day. ******** cole. and not to mention that caroline thinks that cole is cheating on her possibly with hali walsh. god dammit. if he breaks her heart like caroline did mine im gonna ******** him up so ******** bad. those piercings are gonna be ripped from his ears and his nose crooked along with his teeth destroyed. ill ******** him up so bad his kids are ******** up. i mean im a small guy, but i know how to beat the s**t out of someone. its not about the size of your muscles, how tall you are, how big you are. its about the skills you have. i'll have him begging for mercy by the time im through with him. and that cole you blasted son of a b***h, is a promise. and i dont promise to just anything. i keep them. cole im going to make your life a living hell if you break her heart. so keep your eyes open, and dont mess around with hali. got it?

i told caroline about jay. she replied that if we get back together that she'll be worried im going to flirt with her again since one of her ex's did it a while back.i told her she was the only one clouding my thoughts. she said she wanted to be alone and went upstairs and lied down thinking. i hope what i said doesnt effect her relationship with cole. idk if thats even why shes alone in bed thinking. for all i know shes thinking if she can ever trust me after flirting with jay. she wants to shoot herself. i told her to please not and she said she wont but she wants to. im such a ******** idiot. whats wrong with me? im driving her crazy and not in a good way.

well as my last post sais i still love caroline but then what do i do? i flirt with her best friend for a while via facebook cuz she lives in boston. and im not afraid to admit it caroline. i was flirting with jay on saturday...im sorry... emo

im just ******** reading to flip my s**t and explode. ******** ligit i just want to ******** bash hit face in then curb stomp him until his head pops off. plus she sais she loves me but loves her more. ******** that. im nott anyones ******** #2 either you love me or you hate me god ******** dammit! too bad i made a ******** promise to watch out for her so ******** if i can do anything about it. i ******** hurt him and no ******** way i can live with myself. "the sparks not there" bull s**t. thats just her way off dumping me for another. why the ******** do i love her? someone tell me why she makes my heart burn for her! why! someone! anyone! tell me why i ******** love her the way i do. even though i want to kill him and take her back i cant. id never be able to live with myself then. all i can do is pour my heart out into this journal. not knowing whether to make it private or not ********! ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********! WHY DOES SHE LOVE HIM MORE? i guess i didnt really try to hard. i kind of took our relationship for granted. but nopw i appreciate her for more then just a girlfriend once its too ******** late. WHY? BECAUSE IM A ******** RETARD! i cant ******** just be a good person and give her what she deserves. i swear if she gives me a second chance then hell shes getting all i can give. heart i ******** love you caroline. and im not afraid to continuesly say it. i ******** love you more then the world could imagine. i just hope you realize the choice you made was a mistake. heart like i said. forever and always