Zelphaer
Pronounced 'Zel-fai-air' or 'Zel-fay-er'
This profile layout was obtained on Tektek, and the gold parts are all text generated by glowtxt.com.


Art by wiir!

wahmbulance I am currently not borrowing any items from anyone. If someone were to claim that I have borrowed their item and sold it, it is not true. I've only borrowed from one person and the items were returned. wahmbulance

I made a kingly, red, and golden profile a year or so ago using a text generator with Old English font and a tektek profile. Any day now the hosted files that the text generator created could be deleted, so bear with me if my profile doesn't meet up to standards! I'll fix it soon enough. 3nodding

About me: Like many teens, I tend to coin the idea that "no phrase or word can describe all of me." I think teens want to be individual so much that they throw that concept around a lot, whether they mean it or not. xD

I also throw that around a lot. It's too easy to say, so here is my story:
I recently graduated into adulthood. When I was a little child, I was shy as the shadow is shy to the light, and I thought I was good at art and math. I had goals to be an engineer and go into MIT, and I played the piano. Life seemed well planned out for me to do everything and be the school president and shine with a perfect GPA, and I followed rules like no other (I like structure a lot).

As I grew up, events in my life changed that. My parents let me get B's and I got a wake-up call when my friend gave an honest opinion about my art and how it wasn't a measure of what he saw in me. I sought attention from lack of it at home (my parent worked at work and at home) and I became depressed. I'm pacifist so I couldn't hurt myself, but I listened to the saddest things I could find and thought the saddest thoughts so I could cry at night when no one was looking.

Then high school rolled around, and for some reason, I suddenly realized and understood that if I didn't do anything about the world and humanity, all of the suffering and strife would never go away. I realized that I'd just be a sad loser sitting on my bed weeping all the time. Things started to get better, but I still lived in that shadow of being an attention whore that everyone thought I was.

Shortly afterward, I began my highschool crush on someone who stood to be themselves regardless of social pressures and other forces; they truly wanted to do what they wanted to and nothing else. To some it was stubbornness. To me, it was hope; I didn't even think it was possible, and I began to change. I fell deeply in "love" with this person, blossoming in Renaissance-style art and glorious happiness just to know they existed. And I changed. I began to grow into a person.

Two years after getting the "No" that I still weep under the willows for, I shifted schools and was able to recreate myself. I'm no longer interested in engineering as a profession. I began to meet people who I felt more at home with, people who also shared my crush's love to be free. I grew to love changing myself from a slave to an individual.

Then I fell into a state where I became too ambitious, and I fell into my own trap. In comparison to the EPR paradox, I was using counterfactual definiteness to derive seemingly logical statements about life that ran into contradictions later (I just learned about this yesterday, I'm pretty excited!). I began "studies" on health and balance, thinking I had the right idea. Then I got cancer.

Officially treatment is over, and has been over for a month now (I'm writing this on Nov 24th, 2009). I really, honestly thing that someone out there is watching over me, and gave me cancer to set me on the right track. I made a lot of mistakes being pretentious about getting so far into individuality that I lost myself. Through cancer I learned what it meant not to be healthy, and now I love my youth. I think I'm set a little more on the right path. I've realized what it means to burn when getting too close to the sun.

Now I hope I'm a better person. I still have my frivolous laughs and sometimes catch myself being too picky about my peers. I stand strongly for a good education, but not the junk we have here in the US where things are measured in how long you stay in class. I strive to understand everything I can, and I hope to become a better person so I can help lead humanity to be happier overall, to take the wisdom that seems to be slowly diminishing so humanity can build itself from what it's made instead of always having to rediscover electricity every new generation.

I am a philosopher, a psychologist, a musician, an artist. I strive to take all the wisdom I can take from life to help others get past the hills they cross in their own paths. I cry through my piano and I bleed through my drawings. And I aim to learn and live as long as I can, so when I grow old I can die how I want to: by my choice to complete the journey called life.

I am happy, and I am free. And now, I am alive, to live to meet and make the stronger tomorrow.

Thank you for reading. ^^ It means a lot to me.