I was looking for enlightenment, and freedom from suffering. I did this for years thinking the truth was inside myself and believed that I only needed the right technique to find it. Eventually I accumulated a huge number of occult books. About different yogas, and biographies of so called enlightened people. The word yoga is derived from Sanskrit, yunakti, and means yoking or union. युनक्ति { युज् }, yunakti { yuj }, verb, come into union or conjunction with. युनक्ति { युज् }, yunakti { yuj }, verb, unite. युनक्ति { युज् }


I think it is sufficient to that you can't find happiness looking inward. Those were the worst years of my life. With self injury, and general hopelessness. No matter how many hours you spend meditating you won't be free. Only Jesus brings real freedom and sets captives free. Back then I spent most of my spare time when I was not meditating or going to work, online flirting with girls where ever I came across them. I had cybersex with girls on Gaia, and broke hearts as easily as someone would give it. I used girls to distract me from a loneliness that those types of "relationships" couldn't heal. My ideas of the opposite sex was very colored by how much pornography I was consuming. How it formed and molded my thinking. My mind would automatically go in that direction when talking to a girl. I would evaluate her based on how sexually attractive she was. I had a long lasting long distance relationship with a girl on Gaia that was less than healthy because I couldn't stay faithful and felt good when I managed to make her feel jealous. We talked on the phone and through webcam until one day she refused to say she loved me, and I being short tempered always in need of affirmation ended it with that. For someone looking to get rid of pain in myself I didn't hesitate inflicting pain on others. Compassion is not so important if nothing is real. Compassion is important if you believe there is a God and that there is a certain moral standard based on God's character which has to be upheld, if not - it is optional.

There was also a vampire guild back then I ran as Louis, the vampire from Anne Rice novels. I used the guild to attract attention to myself.

I had a friend, Mimmi, at that time that I had gotten to know through my dad. He did work on her house, and I took care of her garden. I rushed through mowing her lawn just so I could sit with her and talk. She has spent much of her life with gurus trying to achieve enlightenment, or self realization. When she was younger she had plans of becoming a professional singer.

This was my introduction to it. I asked many questions, and immersed myself in the subject. She would talk to a voice inside herself to see if she could bring up certain subjects to me (This is pretty scary, since I now know what that voice was and what intentions it had towards me). The voice that had tricked her was also trying to trick me down the road that it had made her walk. She told me not to tell this to anyone, but I don't consider that binding since my agreement to keep this to myself was based on the understanding that it was the Truth, and not a lie. I believe it is something that should be shared so people will understand what we are up against.

When she was young she walked into a meeting that the white brotherhood had (in London I believe). She didn't know at the time who they were, or what they were capable of. When she walked in they were talking about her, what she was trying to do, and they were discussing her. She named the leader at the time. Someone she said was very advanced spiritually. It sounded to me like she said San Chermè, but it is possible that she obscured his name by pronouncing it in French (she was fluent in French). It could have been Saint Germain she said. 'Saint' is pronounced sain and sein in French, and Germain is pronounced j uh r - m ai n. If it was someone claiming to be Saint Germain then there are many interesting things that could be said about this individual. According to some of his followers he gave the world through a man something called The 'I AM' discourses. In these discourses Germain is attempting to convince you that you are the 'I AM'. Does anything of this sound familiar to you? Who said you can been like God if you only eat of this fruit?

The 'I AM' discourses has its origin in Guy Warren Ballard who with his wife Edna Anne Wheeler Ballard, founded the "I AM" Activity. Ballard claimed to have been in contact with Saint Germain, whom he considered to be an ascended master. According to Ballard Germain dictated to him what to write. Is this the same being claiming to be Saint Germain that my friend saw and spoke to? We can't know for sure, but it does fits his modus operandi.

Where we first are told about God's name is in the Bible. Let's examine together what it says. God is not inconsistent in His messages, so let us see if it lines up with Ballard's claim.

Exodus 3:7
And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them? And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

I Exodus 3 He tells Moses to tell the children of Israel that I AM has sent you (Moses). He doesn't say that Moses should go tell the children of Israel that they are I AM, or that Moses is I AM. There would be no distinctions between God and Moses, so He would not have sent anyone. There would be no you and there would be no sending of any kind. But God can't lie. That is one of His character traits, a part of what makes Him God. He is Truth by nature (John 17:17, Psalm 31:5, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19). So there is a clear distinction between you/me and God. There is a God - and He is not you/me.

So who is telling us that we are I AM, if it is not God Himself who is doing it? Who benefits from us not thinking there is a distinction?

Let us get back to Saint Germain again for a little bit.
Wikipedia has an article about Saint Germain I would like to share a snippet from;

Myths, legends and speculations about St. Germain began to be widespread in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, and continue today. They include beliefs that he is immortal, the Wandering Jew, an alchemist with the "Elixir of Life", a Rosicrucian, and that he prophesied the French Revolution. He is said to have met the forger Giuseppe Balsamo (alias Cagliostro) in London and the composer Rameau in Venice. Some groups honor Saint Germain as a supernatural being called an Ascended Master.

According to themselves The White Brotherhood is; "an organization of Ascended Masters united for the highest purposes of God on Earth." To be an ascended master you have to achieve Christ-consciousness which is another word for self-realization often used in New Age. See how they make Christ into being something something smaller than He is, and how they glorify themselves? They talk about God, but it is a twisted message, one that has no freedom in it. It is a god where you are god. You should always be on your guard when someone glorifies themselves, and show a prideful nature (Proverbs 16:5). My conclusion at this time is that they were either possessed, malevolent beings, or people who communicated with spirits that Mimmi had come in contact with through her yogic practices (she was maybe the first person in my country to do yoga, and she has had a few students. Some of which have gone on to start their own yoga classes) and mystic research. She was also making potions, doing alchemy to extend her life.

1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour:

She slipped and fell on the ice on the way to pick up her mail, a few years before I met her, and broke her back. This caused her to be bound to a wheelchair the remainder of her life. She died in a retirement home at the age of 94, back in 2007 - the same year I was saved. She didn't want to live anymore, and she thought that by dying she would be reborn into a better body so she could try achieving enlightenment once more since she felt it was within her grasp. A thing she said to me while she was half asleep in her chair, maybe realizing that she had been on the wrong track (?) has stuck with me since then; "Evil men, have taken over the world." This was the sentence that made me search and look for the truth in a different way then I had before.

Revelation 12:9
The great dragon was hurled down--that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

I came across a site one day, not too long after she has said this to me, being constantly in search for the truth. It was a Christian site, based on a speaker at 'The Prophecy Club'. It was writing about the very people I used to look up to. Showing me their real nature, and that there is real evil in the world. I believe this was God nudging me to accept Him. If there is real evil (not just human evil)- there is also real goodness. That night I went for a walk and I cried, confessing my sins to God, and asking him for forgiveness for not believing in Jesus and what he did for me on the cross.

I felt relieved, like a huge burden had been cut of my back. Like the strings to an enormous luggage that I had been pulling behind me had been cut.

I ended up burning all of my old books. The title of my testimony is from Genesis when the serpent tricks Eve and Adam to eat the fruit. It is something he uses to this very day in order to deceive people. A deception I myself was victim to.


However - though I was deceived I was also guilty in that I had made myself open to such deception. Deception doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens where there is room for the deception to take root and grow. In me the deception found fertil soil as it appealed to my desire to worship myself. To put myself above all things and everyone. To be someone in possession of special powers. With self-realization of Yogananda and other Indian gurus came the promise that I was alreadygod, I just needed to rediscover it. I was as guilty as those the deception originated with.

Many, if not all of these alternative philosophies and spiritual practices such as yoga etc have real spiritual evil entities as a source. They are not discovered by humans for the betterment of humanity. It is the work of deceitful spirits, and the doctrines of demons. I will use Theosophy as an example, because many of the experiences are similar when it comes to how these evil spirits operate to germinate their doctrines: Helena Blavatsky (Controversial religious writer and leader, a founder of the Theosophical Society, who widened the exposure to Eastern religions in the West), said she first met her Teacher, a spirit who she said inspired her later studies and insights. Her later claims were that from that point, she was visited by key masters (mahatmas) who lived on a higher plane. She was, she said, appointed their messenger.

Like Blavatsky, my friend Mimmi also had things like books appear in her (locked) house, on specific topics relevant to her attempt at self-realization. Books she told me were almost impossible to find, because they were limited prints, and obscure. She showed me some of the books, and I borrowed a couple of them. Blavatsky had been receiving messages from the Mahatmas, she claimed, by miraculously appearing letters. There was a shrine in her "Occult Room" that had a closed cabinet. Every so often, letters from the Mahatmas, as well as other objects, would miraculously appear inside the cabinet.

Quote from blavatskyarchives;
H.P. Blavatsky was then forty-two years old and in controlled possession of her many and most unusual spiritual and occult powers. In the opinion of the Mahatmas, she was the best available instrument for the work they had in mind, namely to offer to the world a new presentation, though only in brief outline of the age-old Theosophia, "The accumulated Wisdom of the ages, tested and verified by generations of Seers...," that body of Truth of which religions, great and small, are but as branches of the parent tree. Her task was to challenge on the one hand the entrenched beliefs and dogmas of Christian Theology and on the other the equally dogmatic materialistic view of the science of her day. A crack, however, had recently appeared in the twofold set of mental fortifications. It was caused by Spiritualism, then sweeping America. To quote Helena’s own words: "I was sent to prove the phenomena and their reality, and to show the fallacy of the spiritualistic theory of spirits."

Unlike Jesus they appeal to man's intellectual, spiritual vanity, and pride, while Jesus urge you to be humble, and be obedient. They claim to have a special knowledge that is only for the Initiated. Those with the right spiritual development to understand it. "You are special to be honored with this message from the masters. Special spiritual techniques for your spiritual development. You are the special elect." It puffs you up, make you bigger than you really are. Distorts reality and prevents you from knowing the Truth. The message of salvation is much simpler than that, and it doesn't elevate you, but the author of salvation - Jesus Christ (Hebrews 12:2).

The good news message is so uncomplicated (1 Corinthians 15:1-4), that people don't want it and see it as foolishness. Christ died for you despite of yourself, not because you can do anything in the present to deserve His sacrifice, or because you did anything in the past.

I also got married to my wife because of God's help, whom I met on Gaia back in 2007. She no longer uses Gaia, but I am still here. A few months later we decided to met in the US. She came with me back home to Norway after I stayed for more than three months in the US attempting to get a passport for her. We lived in dilapidated motels where people sold drugs next door, walked through neighborhoods where people ran after each other and there were people sitting on their stairs under the influence of drugs (?). I waved money around like the foolish tourist I was (muggings don't happen where I live), but we got through safe. We cried and we wailed because we saw no hope of her getting her passport, but we found a place called Rainbow Passport Services after going through all the numbers we could find in the phone-book. A place where they dealt mainly with getting passports for Muslims. That is the impression I got since there were so many Muslims working there at the time. They managed to expedite an application for a passport through a senator. We got her passport the same day as the tickets we had bought were intended to be used. At the airport there was military personell discussing whether or not they should detain me for questioning because I had been two weeks over my allowed date. They decided against this since they had let a few other people earlier get through who had been there longer than the allowed time.

My plan as a Buddhist had been to go into the Himalayan mountains to meditate, away from everything, instead God sent me to the US to met my wife. Or rather, He granted me my request after me begging Him, and being a bit obnoxious about it now that I look back, to have a wife because I was lonely. I didn't at the time get the fullness and completeness there is in the Holy Spirit, being a new Christian, so I was holding on to the old feelings of being alone I used to have, not seeing what I had received. But I am very grateful to God. God hasn't left me to my own devices. We went through a nightmare just to be together, and a nightmare once we moved to my country with miscarriages, illness and troubles. Nobody said being a Christian is easy, or the easy way out. If anything it is harder with more troubles, trials and temptations, but I take comfort in knowing that Jesus is there and he never gives up, never rests. He knows our troubles because he has been there. He went through them. He knows what we need, and in the troubles we experience we are being equipped for better things.