About

About me:

If a cow laughs does milk come out its nose?

If #2 pencils are so popular why are they still #2?

The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business, did they see it coming?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Doesnt "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Is "Cute as a button" supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think Ill squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?

Wouldnt it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Isn't it interesting how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

If a turtle doesnt have a shell is he homeless or naked?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word Lisp?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If u spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win and winners never quit how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them!

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didnt zigzag?

After eating do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

If olive oil comes from olives where does baby oil come from?

Why is it that when transporting stuff on a car its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship its called CARgo?

If two wrongs dont make a right then how come two negatives make a positive?

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

The evening news always starts off by saying Good Evening and then procede to tell you exactly why it isn't.

He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

If everyone jumped off a bridge would you too? No, I would step onto a pile of bodies.

No you don't get it you think you get it which is different than actually getting it get it?

There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.

My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me, he said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.

They say the truth sets you free, then how come everytime I tell the truth I get sent to my room?

When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!

That is the wrongest wrong that ever wronged.

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

I used up all of my sick days...so I'm calling in dead.

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things...

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,in case you're in an accident."

7.My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me about MEDICAL STUDIES. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me about ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me about HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

Love the stupidity and randomness. NOW!

When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday

Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter

When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic.

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?"

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it

He who laughs last thinks slowest

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good

I'm not as dumb as you look

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek...nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the tme to do it.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines.

I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up dying of tuberculosis.

It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

When I'm feeling down I like to whistle...it makes my neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.

If you can't get the skeletons out of your closet, you'd better teach them to dance.

Stupid is just a 5 letter word.

Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice.

Friends are like condoms, they protect each other when things get hard.

No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans?

Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

If voting could change anything, it would be illegal.

That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is.

If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.

Work is blackmail for survival.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth without first giving him a Certs.

Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.

Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.

When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.

Fun flies when you're doing time.

When all else fails, use duct tape.

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injection?

You are now entering a school free drug zone. Thank you for pot smoking.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are pure evil with a heart of gold, copy and paste this to your profile. ... How does that work out...?

If you have ever spelled your own name wrong, copy and paste this to your profile.

SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! If you are really random copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you’ve used bold, italics, and underline all at once just to see what it looked like, copy this and paste it in your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile.

If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

if you think rap is the most awfulest thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.--And always remember. Crap can't be spelled without first spelling rap.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if your trying to be an Author.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your a** off.

If your a CHOC AHOLIC -TALK AHOLIC -OR A-SHOP AHOLIC then copy and paste this!

If you want to sue both Disney and Nick for various reasons, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you agree that it is SO unfair that all good looking guys are either: in your head, in a manga, a vampire, taken, or two or three of the above, copy and past this on your profile

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

If you had ever gotten writer's block in a sudden and random moment, copy this to your profile.

If you are a total clutz copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy this to your profile.

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate copy and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into you profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think child abuse is horrible copy and paste this in your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste.

If you think that it's not fair that the guys in manga and anime are almost always better than the guys in the real world, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you draw anime/manga paste this onto your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that if women should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you love ice cream, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you strongly support women's rights, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing copy this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate those bitchy people, copy and paste

If you are tired of politicians who ruin countries, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like fire and fireworks and explosions and things that go boom, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you draw anime/manga paste this onto your profile.

> smile This is evil smiley. Evil smiley likes sharp things. Copy and paste Evil Smiley on your profile so he could see the world.

If you ever tripped where there was a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off its orbit" for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed.

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is plotting world domination,copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the

same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have a really long profile, C&P this to make it even longer. (hehehe)

Chocolate chip cookies are the best! If you agree C&P!!

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, C&P!

If you have an odd sort of love/hate realationship with your computer, C&P

If you think the kids should just stop chasing Lucky and leave the freakin' leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, C&P this into your profile

I believe in Christ as my saviour. If you do too, copy and paste this in your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and lose when it's weird. If you agree copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever spent a long amount of time looking for something that you were holding/wearing, copy this to your profile

If you are bored copy and paste this in your profile.

If murders make you sick copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that unicorns stabbing unicorns can actually happen, copy and paste this into your profile.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a scary crush on a book anime or game character copy and post this into your profile. Tsukiyomi Ikuto, Len Kagamine, Souma Kukai, and other hot anime guys.

Girl Confessions

1.Do you sleep in your bra?
Not anymore

2. Do you enjoy drama?
somewhat.

3. Are you a girly girl?
Uh...sometimes...its really scary though lol

4. Who was the last person you hugged?
My bbbeeesssstttiiieeee

5. Small or large purses?
small, but i usually dont carry one around

6.Are you short?
Hell no, 5'5 is not short to me

7.What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
If it were my bf then i would hug him, anyone else, direct blow to the face

8.Do you care if your socks are dirty?
no, unless they're REALLY dirty

9. Do you dress up on Halloween?
Mmm, only if i have to take my lil sis trick or treating

10. Are you double jointed?
In my toe, i can spin it all the way around > smile haha

11. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
in my closet

12. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
ya...well try KNEEING me in my a**

13. Is there a rumour going around about you?
possibly...lol

14. Do you call anybody by their last name?
my parents sometimes

15. How many guys will read this just because it says "Girl Confessions"?
ehh, idk really dont care haha

Come on ladies, be truthful!

1. What color is your bra that your wearing?
yellow and orange

2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
mmmeeehhh, both!

3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
try girly boy, ******** homo (i have no probs with gays, just him)

4. Do you have a best friend(s)? Real life friends :U
yes

5. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Not yet...hope not too!

6. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
uh...no

7. Do you like your life?
LUV IT!

8. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
Hell no, ide kick her a**

9. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?

YEA!

10. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
girls and boys, both equal

11. How long have you had Facebook?
2 years i thinkz

12. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
6 times so ya

13. What are your biggest fears?
Finneee ill tell...clowns, porcelein dolls,

14. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yes...thinking of my grandpa.

15. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?

nope

16. Do you believe in the saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater”?
depends...

17. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
Yeah, sometimes...

18. Do you ever wish you were famous?
yes! cries

19. Are you currently missing someone?
no idea

This guy or that guy?
Punk/Goth or Gangster?: neither
Preppy or Cowboy?: Neither!
Sweet or Sexy?: BOTH!!
Well-educated or Dropout?: Smart ah hurrr
Armani or Abercrombie?: neither, they're both retarded places

City-slicker or Rural Guy?: city
Blue, green, grey, or brown eyes?: blue! (lleeennnn)

Contacts or Glasses?: contacts?

More Questions.
01. Eyeliner or Mascara?: Eyeliner
02. Louis Vuitton or Dooney & Bourke?: the ********?
04. Skirts or pants?: Pants! if u see me with a skirt, something is definatly wrong
05. Socks or leggings?: hmmm, depends, some leggings are kyute! .
06. Hoodies or jackets?: Hoodies
07. Heels or sneakers?: Sneakers
08. Straight or curly hair?: Straight
09. Hoop or dangling earrings? dangling
10. White or black?: BOTH!!
11. Victoria’s Secret or Bath and Body Works?: bath and body works
12. Smoothies or lattes?: smoothies!
13. Diet or regular sodas?: regular, diets are bad for u (im not even kidding)
15. Pearls or diamonds?: diamonds with their ultra kawaiiness...if thats even a word
16. Vintage or boho?: wth?!
17. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?: why are we even talking about this
18. Lindsay or Hilary?: ne..ither?
19. Ipod or cell phone?: Iphone!
20. Friends or family?: Both. but friends can sometimes be qualified for family
21. Lip gloss or lip stick?: lip gloss
22. Manicure or pedicure?: Manicure
23. Tiffany’s or Chanel: chanel i guess
24: Peace or love?: Both
25. Sunglasses or purses?: sunglasses!

In a guy...
Funny or Serious?: A mix of both
Cute or Hot?: a mix of both!!
Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?: light
Long Hair or Short Hair?: short and long
Curly Hair or Straight Hair?: Straight
Good Dancer or Good Singer?: dancer and hot singer!
Jock or Rebel?: jock i guess

Smoker or Non-smoker?: Non smoker!! I HATE THE SMELL OF SMOKE
Druggie or Clean?: Clean. DRUGS ARE WORSE THAN SMOKING!!
Beard/Mustache or Clean-shaven?: Clean. definitely.
Younger or Older?: if its within 9 months then im fine
Player or Loyal?: Loyal, of course!

Reasons why girls are the best

1. We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies... you get the point.

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people still find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We can have men do what we want by mearly unbuttoing our shirts.