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A GRIMOIRE OF FORBIDDEN SUTRAS
SCROLL III: REGRET AND GREEN EYES
"I LOVE YOU!" I yelled with all the might of my lungs, drawing her green eyed face in my mind's screen. The truth is that I loved her since our first encounter, but now she'd never know it.
Then I cried. My tears tearing my flesh and causing a bleeding full of regret, full of rage. "AND MAKE THE WORLD CRY WITH ME!" Escapes from my mouth and the windows tremble, but my voice is not heard. The house obeys, and so the walls bleed, like me.

I weep in defeat. My bleeding stops and so do the walls'.
Then my wounds pass through a horrid process. The dried blood becomes worms that infest my cheeks and then go up for my eyes. The pain is unbearable, and yet is not even remotely as bad as what I feel inside of... My mind? My heart? But isn't the heart -not the muscle, but the metaphysical thing- a part of the mind?

The blindness lasts for a few minutes and suddenly the worms are gone and I have eyes again, until the next time I cry. And that will be soon.

I regret everything, but now it’s too late. Green eyes is not here and I wish and hope and pray she'll never be.

I lie on the floor. Everything around me is dark. Almost everything inside me is dark too. I'm dying again. I'm being devoured by the regret, the rage, the despair, the fear, and all the other things. But I can't stop it.
I can't touch the living. I can't talk to them. I can't ask for their help. All I do is scare them with my pain.

"Are you okay?" She asks, concerned as always about my feelings. I open my eyes and put my arms around her waist, like a kid. I don't want to cry again. I don't want to stain her dress with blood and maggots, but my heart - mind? - is broken.
She hugs me as she always did. I know she forgives me even when I don't deserve it. "I heard you screaming," she says in a soft, understanding voice.
"Do you remember what I did?" My voice crashes in ears that can hear me.
"Don't torment yourself anymore." More a beg than an advice.
"You could be alive. You shouldn't have come with me."
"Don't say that."
"It wasn't fair. I made you commit suicide with me."
"That was my decision. I love you, and that's why I did it."
I look at her eyes and once again I find my guilt reflected in them. Her black eyes are beautiful, however, those eyes are not... green.





 
 
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