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Me and my boyfriend broke up around midnight last night and I didn't sleep after. Right now, people ask me how I feel and all I can say is I don't know. I don't know how I feel. I don't know whats happened to my life.

I was up all night crying and thinking about it. One thing I did realize, is that normally, when a guy broke up with me, I would be broken for a little while and then, I'd get better, this time, my heart is in total confusion and haze. I have no idea what to do. I got up this morning and barely remembered who I was.

This tells me something, all the heartbreak, and pain, is finally getting to me. This invisible barrier that's been guarding my heart for so long now is finally breached! in a way this is good but I don't like the lost, depressed, pain that's coming out of it now.

Now I just wish I knew what to do. I wish that there were someone who could lead me like a little kid because i'm scared to go on alone. I'm scared to go on anymore. I don't want to. I want to stay under my covers and hide. I don't wanna get hurt anymore.

I still love Jeremy, and I'm pretty sure I always will but he loves another girl!!! How can I compete with someone actually in his grade that he sees when he wants!! I can't! Everytime I think about it.....I cry like it just happened. Like we just broke up.

I'm going to go before I short circuit my keyboard with my tears.