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Currently listening to: My Disco
Soon to be listening to: Boulevarde of Broken Songs
Reading: 1984
Feeling: sleepy/hungry Itchy/tasty
Just watched: Stargate SG-1: Urgo
Wish to: Eat Mom's chicken/broccoli...hit head repeatedly on hard surface...search Deviant Art for art class ideas after reading is finished...Sleep...Have a good day for once...be noticed by a certain someone as special...hug certain someone until outside forces pull apart our very clothing fibers...
Contemplating: Suicide to escape the stress...again.


My day was neutral/dismal and after my previous Journal entry's hinted confessions, I still have lingering emotions from it that have been effecting my thoughts all day.
I discovered last night that leading factor in the sudden outburst was not only a morbid epiphany, but a chemical imbalance due to premenstral issues. I took some IB Proufen this morning to deal with the worst hours. I'm still feeling a little cramping but its not enough to dose up over...although I'd like a reason to enjoy a drug-induced dilerium for a little while. A sugar high isn't going to cut it at home since it would likely bring more pain than good...the only way to avoid being shouted at slightly is to be the quiet one in the corner. It feels like the only thing I'm useful for is yelling at anyways. I need a mood lifter...I hate it when I'm left to let my mind wander...I...can't even say that I want to hang with friends. They'll never think of me the same. This is why its so much easier to talk to a complete stranger or an audience that you don't know personally in any way...they don't know the horrible creature that hides inside. Always wanting to strike, to scream, to draw blood.

Often makes me wonder if man truely IS naturally violent. How many generations will it take for us to evolve from such wickedness? And yet, should we? Humans seem to be drifting further and further away from humanity every day. I've questioned the government like this. I constantly wonder if they're trying to diminish humanity in order to make us easier to control. Or how religions can take an unsuspecting victim and completely bind them to its will. Its almost terrifying how, when at a weak state of mind, you can easily be changed if you fall into the wrong hands. All it takes is a seemingly kind individual, armed with words or actions that speak to you and.....somehow...you're suddenly binded. Ensared, unable to escape unless you can see it. The human mind is...actually...so incredibly easy to control.