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when i think i cry
lately its been real sucky... i havent been on in awhile so... ill try to sum the last 30 days all in one journal also, im feelin emotional becuase of the music im listening to, music put me in a mood... called
--dreaming with a broken heart...-- by john mayor...
--waiting on the world to change-- by john mayor...
--emo dairies-- by backbreaker or red animal
--emo kid-- by jim roberts
--forever-- by papa roach
--blood-- by papa roach
well... first off iv been missing my gf alexis... iv missed her so much ... and during school my friends keep huggin me and tell u truth (this isnt perverted) i think its kinda nice i feel like im actually wanted and when i get huged i think of alex. and a few days ago i was messin wit ma new friends and i snuck up behind one and she screamed and then she kept walking and tried hit my stomach while not looking at me and actually his below the belt >____< and i fell to the ground clutching.... and i almost cried.... damn she hits hard... anyway she kicked me there next day too
-.- and i finally got a myspace but now i feel like people hate me becuase it use to be all fun with just them....but when i got in after a few weeks, becuase i never had those good afriends i hung with them everyday then they all started saying i had stalking skillz wich i dont really like cuase there only people i even know...at my school... and now i feel like no one wants to hang around... and that im annoying....and i hope alex doesnt read this but i took ma lil pocket knife and cut the side of my arm next to hand on side where bigger bone is and it went red but no blood... and everyone says im emo so i must be... becuase i dont think emo is some dumb ******** that needs threapy like everyone says.... i think its how they express themself and show what the feel like phsyically... and then my mom started to work me like hell.... annd... i just dont feel like anythings going right... plus i know none of my friends even read my journal becuase its usually crap and long and so i know noone will read this long thing.... >_> oh ya and people at my aptments think im a freak becuase i listen to death metal......................................... wich i kinda hate..... and ontop of that the girl that first huged me at my school (who i alwys try to get away) i found she actually likes me wich creeps me out and now im pissed for no reason...........
sometimes
i
just
want
to
scream
at some or someone
cuase no one understands how people feel or even care.... u rarely find someone that decent.... as i said above no one is going to read this unless i actually tell someone to check out my journal..... i dont deserve this.... i hate this.... can i trade my life for someone elses? or maybe a buck? crying emo
i want to rip my heart out... throw it on the ground... stomp on it... kick dirt on it... and take a wiz on it... then die................and i know everyone reading this will think im a freak to... but im ..just... so.... damn... tired of all of this.... happening to me....
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