Aww, Migu!
You can't believe me, but I downloaded every single song by Moi dix Mois from the web! And I'm so happy<3<3 Now I have them in my i-pod. I wish I knew how to pronounce french. Ö.ö But they are great anyways<3
Yesterday I sat here writing. I wrote so much that once I had finally finished with it, I was already logged out, and I couldn't get that entry back. Then I went upstairs and studied for the exams till 3 a.m. I know, it was stupid. D: I also fought with my parents for a really long time, and my hand still hurts, because I hit it into the edge of a glass table as hard as I could. I went crazy and yelled and I wanted to kill myself. I threatened to do so if my parents didn't want to let me study for history, which is the only subject I actually like. They want me to study for mathematics and chemistry, the ones that I hate the most, because they think I can't do them. I don't want any more than C for maths, or I mean I don't mind. Chemistry I won't do in IB, and even if you fail the exams, you'll still go to the next form. My parents are priests, the other one of them couldn't do history, and the other one couldn't do maths, neither of them could never ever draw. How can people forget what it's like to be young and have millions of things to try to take care of when you haven't got used to it yet. Adults have already, but now I'm basically jumping from a child to an adult, and there is nothing between. This is the shortest time of all the three, and the hardest one, when you are looking for your identity and trying to figure out who you are. Especially all the pressure that the teachers put on you: "What do you wanna do in five years? You have to decide, have to! Have to..!" How could I know? I probably wanna be an artist. Yeah, as you see, I'm emo inside. D: I hate that thing about myself. I'm alright I guess, but I love or hate (I don't know which one actually) myself far too much. Btw, I just found out that I'm doing just like Hitler: I'm trying to concentrate in a few certain subjects to avoid getting a dull job, and the ones that have something to do with jobs I don't like I ignore. I'm doing half of it on purpose, but I have really nothing against learning maths, I just don't like it as much as let's say art, but at least my parents are not trying to force me to do anything. Many people just want a job to get a good salary, but I couldn't for example be a doctor, because I'm afraid of blood. I think that only people who really like helping others should be able to be doctors etc. (I just used that doctor as an example, you see). I want to enjoy what I do, and I think that's how most people feel anyway...
I can't be bothered to write anymore. I'll have to go finish my english essay, which was crap already the second time. I hate that teacher. Why does everything have to be so freakin formal?! We are not in England now! I hate that culture. Some of the English are pretty nice, as my old english teacher and my history teacher, and also that one friend of mine. I don't know if I have really talked about her here. ö_ö But their culture is so weird... ok, it's good to do neat work but does every single piece of writing have to be typed, and put in a plastic folder? I don't like that. My handwriting is better than what a computer does. D:
The four walls of this room are falling and crushing me under them. One of them is our english teacher, the other one is the exams, the fourth one is the problems at home (which are mostly over now), and the fourth one is my history presentation. You know what they can do together...
I'll quit doing myself every time here. Too little time, and it spoils the look of my journal. : p
Bye.
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My mind shits too.
Read if you like. lol. I know you won't.
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