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The darkness lives around me.
In my body and mind.
I put on a smile for those I love.
Only so they?ll be fine.

The light has given up on me,
Because I?m too afraid.
The brightness seems to just sting my eyes.
Merely because there is no aid.

Each night I lay in my darkened room,
Wondering when I?ll die.
Will I have to do it myself?
Or will it pass me by?

As this madness continues.
Every day and night.
I feel my soul growing weaker,
With every single fight.

I ask those around me,
To help me if they can.
But they just tell me to get over it.
They will never understand.

That night I start to plan it.
Thoroughly and oh so clear.
I?m just so sick of those I know,
That use names like nerd or queer.

I decided a bullet would be quicker.
Right strait to the head.
Maybe everyone will get along,
Once that I am dead.

Since my parents are out tonight,
I grab my father?s gun.
I tell myself I?m being brave,
Instead of turning to run.

I slowly put the gun to my head,
And say just one more prayer.
For that when I die and go to Heaven,
My family will not be in despair.

I count down from twenty,
But stop at number eight.
For some reason I think of
Last summer at the lake.

I can hear my dogs barking
And my mother calling my name.
I open my eyes and look out the window,
As it begins to rain.

Without realizing it,
I slowly lower the gun.
My stomach does a flip-flop.
My mind begins to run.

I can?t think about one thing.
I?m just too confused.
I know I can?t do this.
And I know I must refuse.

I drop to me knees as the tears begin to flow.
I know it?s over and done.
I slowly begin to catch my breath,
As I throw away the gun.

When my thought slowly become one
And I begin to think.
My life begins to feel so big,
But I seem to shrink.

I walk over to the window,
And open it to slightly.
I inhale the crisp air of nighttime,
As my eyes close of so slightly.

I think about what I would have missed,
If I had fulfilled this task.
I finally realize that I?m somebody,
And that I do not want a mask.

I fall back onto my bed,
No longer emotionless and cold.
I feel sleep creep upon me,
And I know I must be bold.

When I wake up in the morning,
I think of the night before.
I make a list of all I would miss
And of what I am thankful for.

Even though I almost ended my life,
I know that I have grown.
I?m glad I remembered those who love me,
And can always know that I am never alone.