[Youtube.Junckie]
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 @ 01:58am
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180 [One school year, changes, and a tirbute to you 3]
Yeah.
It came to a close-
Today was the last day of school.
The much needed end of a long year.
Damn...This school year alone has changed me so much.
I remember...
When the school year began,
That first day,
I walked in extremely confident,
And even more naive.
It was like the first day of kindergarten all over again,
I asked people "Wanna be friends?"
And thought I was the smartest person in the class.
But now, while I look back and laugh, I wonder:
Where did that feeling go?
That stupid little happiness?
I cried so much year.
The only time I've cried more over of period of time was two summers ago,
When I had to watch my grandfather waste away thanks to cancer.
This year was the first year I've spent in depression.
I lost value in my life.
I thought about running away...Even suicide.
My self esteem has never been lower.
After I lost touch for my love of the stage last year[Cait, Bella, you know why.],
The only thing I had to rely on was my brains,
And then, well...
A few bad grades threw me into a pit of self doubt.
During the duration of the year,
My brother Dominick has started to become crueler and distances himself from everyone [including me, now a days]
So he doesn't have to deal, or hear about, any of my family's s**t.
I've begun to have a full-fledged hate for my Father,
Who is never there for me,
Either though he lives in the house.
Daniel manged to walk into my life again,
And brake my heart, unknowingly, once more,
And because of it,
I don't go on Myspace that often...
I'm afraid that I'll see him on one day...
And well, say more then I should.
But, I guess I shouldn't dwell on the negative things about this year too much...
There were some good changes during the year.
I learned a lot about stuff I never even knew existed.
I got pretty damn good at DDR, or at least I think so.
My sense of style has totally changed,
And my tastes of music have expanded beyond even my new Mp3 player.
I also regained my faith in my voice,
And discovered I'm a decent public speaker.
I've formed obsessions with shows and websites that don't pertain to my normal interests.
That includes wonderful, wonderful Gaia,
That has been sucking my life away since Carly told me about it in September. =D
Yep, this year has been eye opening.
I've even improved my drawing skills and strengthened my relationship with my mom.
I guessed I changed the most socially.
Although I'm still afraid of taking most emotional chances,
I've been able to conquer that [to some extent] and have become that outgoing person I used to be.
I'm able to make friends easier because I've become more in tune to peoples emotions.
I love to try new things now, and I'm rarely to myself anymore.
My ability to cover my emotions 99.99 percent of the time
[Besides that one mental breakdown last Monday. ><]
Has allowed me to look as if I have a happy disposition,
Which people are attracted to.
I have a class full of friends now.
Finally, the thing I benefited most out of this year was...Well...
My friends. =D
I don't think I ever would've made through without you guys.
My mom always thinks that I'm missing out because I can't hang out with you people that often,
But I find myself lucky, surrounded by pals like you.
It's quality, not quanity.
You're the best buds that I've ever had.
And I truly mean that.
I've gone through years of friends who were just taking advantage of my kindness,
And although I spent probably over $100 on cookies for a certain someone,
*coughCAITLYNcough* XD
I know that even if I was poor and cookie-less,
All of you would still be there for me.
I've found my reason for staying in MATES,
The only thing I can think of to get up in the morning,
Is the fantastic-ness that is your friendship.
You people are lighten up the day with your funny,
And sometimes retarded,
Antics.
I knew I could confide in yous.
The hugs yous gave me got me through the big 180.
You guys don't even know the many simple gestures and words you said actually meant.
They pulled me through some rough times.
And even more then this stupid school has thought me,
Bella, Caitlyn, Rachel...I've learned the most from you.
I thought, when I got home today, that I'd celebrate.
But instead, I find myself with this incomplete feeling.
Like when you have to read a book for one reason or another...
At first, you're rebelliously uninterested,
But by time you get to the climax,
Through your favorite parts and androgynous reads,
You find, that over all, it's a great story.
And by time you read it from cover to cover,
You miss it and want to read it again.
I want to go back to school already. D=
Notes:[In alphabetical order]
Bella- You've been there since before November,
Always behind me in intro,
Aiding me in my work,
And at the same time,
Pulling me away from it.
You were the second friend I made this year[after Jamie],
And your "always-happy-I-love-Ian" disposition
Inspired me to be a little less emo.
You made math 100 times more fun,
Even though both our grades might of suffered from it
You never wanted me to pay for anything,
[In fact, you never even let me pay you back.]
And always took my feelings in consideration.
I just apologize for stealing so many pencils!
Caitlyn- Although we only got a chance to be close half way through the year,
I'm so glad I got know you.
You always mange to make me laugh in one way or another,
Whether you mean to or not ["Bring your class to friend day"].
You kept me grounded in some ways,
And in other ways,
You helped to realize how much I do want pro sue my dream.
We're so alike in too many ways to count [We both suck at math/science, forced into the school, are singers, etc.].
And through helping you deal with your strife,
It let me look at my problems from a new perspective.
You've been like a sister to me, and I deeply thank you for all your support.
Thank god Quig sat us together,
Or else I never would've gotten to know one of the best friends I've ever had.
Rachel- You were always my locker buddy
Since day one,
But we never really spoke until you came on gaia.
Either way, I would never regret getting to know you.
You always seem to say what I need to hear while I'm insulting myself.
You're extremely kind,
And one of the few other people who have seen Totoro.
I really wish you would've been in my class this year-
But hopefully, you will be next year!
You're an easy going person who's nice to talk to,
And are always on Gaia when I am.
Just remember:
"It's a bridge, Charlie Rachel!" =D
That was a hell of a long journal. -_-;
I actually started writing that around 4,
And then got distracted.
Anyway, sorry that I got all mushy on you guys.
I just really appreciate all you've done for me.
I love yous,
And I'm going to miss you over the summer.
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