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Today is yesterday's tomorrow, and tomorrow's yesterday is today. Moments I'm living all the time, and I have been living all the time, and I will live them as long as I die. Moments are valuable. Every moment I wait for the next one to come, and every moment I think about my future. Some moments I worry about past moments and think I should have done something better. I want the time to stop. I wish I had a button to push so that I could stop the world from going, and do all the things I want to do. I would have unlimited time and there would be no moments to worry about. The whole world would be sleeping and I could do what ever I liked. I want that to be real. My life is ending too soon, but as Nietzsche said, nothing has value if there is not God, or if there is not afterlife, and so doesn't life have any value. Moments don't have value. What am I living for if there is no God? I will not have to live a good life or pray for anything (but I will, just in case. Nietzsche was just a philosopher and obviously did not know everything. I just liked some of his ideas, because I have thought of the same things even before I "knew" him.)... So I live for myself. With my own rules, for my own life itself. So does everybody. So, no matter how many ******** moments my life takes or doesn't take. The main thing is that I can gain what I want to gain. To quote Rene Descartes: I think, and so I exist... But does anyone else really exist? Maybe this is all my imaginery. How can I ever be sure if I'm not alone in this planet and my own mind is cheating me by making up all this stuff? and what will happen after I die? Or will I not die and never notice? Or will I be reborn? If I'm alone, love makes no sense. I have always thought it makes no sense. I just don't seem to be getting on with anyone. I don't like boys. I don't like girls either. I want a dead, or a sleeping person who doesn't complain if I have sex with them, and who doesn't yell at me or tell me I broke their heart if I leave them. I just hate the idea of my partner being dead, because you get diseases. Mustn't forget condoms. Masturbation. Wow... Or not really masturbation, not even fingering yourself at all, I don't like that, but what I do like is imagining someone sweet next to you. Someone that you actually don't even have a contact with. Whoever it happens to be at the time. I change my mind often. And stopping that doesn't hurt. Imagining it all doesn't hurt. Nothing about it hurts, so it's a wonderful little kind of game thingy. Imagining what I would do if Mana would be next to me... Or if Hitler would be next to me... Or Napoleon... Or Mozart... Just imagining it inside my dreamy dreamy little head makes me fall asleep. Well... I may be crazy, I may be necropheliac, I may be a nihilist and I may be even boring, but who cares finally? Especially if there is no God, why would anyone live according to any certain kind of labels? Or more accurately... why would anyone be shamed about things they enjoy to do?
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