Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

[10:59] tech_boy_09: WHAT THE HELL BECCA!
[10:59] t3h_pinkest_aura: what?
[11:00] tech_boy_09: ur not the only one with ******** problems! it hurts to leave you! im not going to stay with you while your hurting me!
[11:00] t3h_pinkest_aura: Then why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?!
[11:01] tech_boy_09: >.< i did, i repeatedly tell everyone
[11:02] t3h_pinkest_aura: Well you didn't tell me what I was doing that hurt you
[11:02] tech_boy_09: all the time, you say how hot someoe is! when we were going out you still wantded ben!!!!!!!
[11:02] tech_boy_09: yeah me and him talked
[11:03] t3h_pinkest_aura: What? I did NOT want him
[11:03] t3h_pinkest_aura: I was pissed at him because he LIED to me
[11:03] t3h_pinkest_aura: And you could have told me to stop saying things like that! I would have listened
[11:05] tech_boy_09: D< i have no self esteem, im over weight and really sensitive. the only time i can even come close to speaking my mind is online
[11:05] t3h_pinkest_aura: In your blogs you keep saying that you got more self esteem since we broke up
[11:05] t3h_pinkest_aura: I tried to make you feel better about yourself
[11:05] t3h_pinkest_aura: And I didn't TRY to call people hot a lot around you
[11:06] tech_boy_09: no, going to camp gave me self esteem. the people there dont care wha you look like only how you act, all you ever did was tell me lies about how i looked
[11:06] t3h_pinkest_aura: No I didn't. I told you how -I- thought you looked
[11:07] t3h_pinkest_aura: And I DON'T care about how you look because to me, you looked fine
[11:10] t3h_pinkest_aura: You were the only person who actually cared about me. You were the only person who could cheer me up, even when I stopped taking Prozac (which, come to find out, is rather dangerous). You were the greatest friend and the greatest boyfriend I ever had. I can't believe you would do this.
[11:12] tech_boy_09: you know what, i already know tha phil is waiting for you to be single why dont you just go out with him, he apparently made you feel special too
[11:12] t3h_pinkest_aura: He did because even though we broke up, he still cared about me and he wanted me to be HAPPY
[11:13] t3h_pinkest_aura: And Phil and I were going out, but we decided to just be friends because apparently I was hurting him too
[11:14] tech_boy_09: i dont want to be separated, why do you think i hate you
[11:15] t3h_pinkest_aura: Because you're telling me about how horrible i made you feel
[11:15] tech_boy_09: i dont hate you, i just don want a relationship with you
[11:15] t3h_pinkest_aura: Just like every other human being on the whole ******** planet
[11:18] tech_boy_09: >,<
[11:26] tech_boy_09: u kno what i was suicidal or three yrs, no meds, no counelor, i didnt even tell anyone till this yr. I had to pull myself out of that hole, stop thinking that way and things will change
[11:26] t3h_pinkest_aura: And I -haven't- been suicidal for three years?
[11:27] tech_boy_09: sop trying to make ur lie sound like it sucks
[11:27] t3h_pinkest_aura: This might not be just because I suck at life, I could be depressed and suicidal because I have a medical condition
[11:27] t3h_pinkest_aura: That's why I'm on meds
[11:27] t3h_pinkest_aura: Oh yeah, I just lost my boyfriend, my life TOTALLY doesn't suck
[11:28] tech_boy_09: ITS A HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIP GET OVER IT!
[11:29] t3h_pinkest_aura: So that's all it was to you?
[11:29] tech_boy_09: seriously, u have ur whole friggin life ahead of u
[11:30] t3h_pinkest_aura: I thought our relationship really meant something. I mean, you gave me your ******** class ring!
[11:31] tech_boy_09: it did mean something, i stil care about you, i dont want you o be in this sucky partnership
[11:31] t3h_pinkest_aura: But apparently it was because of me that you broke up with me
[11:31] t3h_pinkest_aura: You can't just make me think I love you, break up with me out of nowhere, and expect me to be okay with it
[11:34] tech_boy_09: i epec you to understand
[11:34] t3h_pinkest_aura: Understand what?
[11:34] tech_boy_09: why i cant be with you
[11:35] t3h_pinkest_aura: Because I'm ******** up. Or because you think you're ******** up
[11:35] tech_boy_09: we both have problems, im dealing wit mine
[11:35] t3h_pinkest_aura: So am I. I have Prozac
[11:36] t3h_pinkest_aura: and counseling
[11:36] tech_boy_09: i have will power
[11:37] t3h_pinkest_aura: I hate this. I hate YOU. I don't get how the one person that could always make me happy, just about the ONLY person that could stand me, the most important person in the world to me, could do this so easily
[11:37] tech_boy_09: its not eas
[11:37] tech_boy_09: i dont even deserve anyone
[11:38] t3h_pinkest_aura: Apparently I don't either, because I can never get anyone that lasts more than a couple of months
[11:38] t3h_pinkest_aura: And I end up feeling worse than I did before we started dating
[11:43] tech_boy_09: i dont care if you hate me, but hate i stupid. al hate does is destroy, you cant let your emotions rule u
[11:44] t3h_pinkest_aura: Would you rather I was emotionless?
[11:44] t3h_pinkest_aura: My emotions are what make me who I am
[11:44] t3h_pinkest_aura: Those and my opinions. And my opinions are usually ruled by emotions. Without them, I'm just another mindless zombie. Would you rather I was that?
[11:48] t3h_pinkest_aura: Kaylee called me last night
[11:48] t3h_pinkest_aura: I was surprised, I'd forgotten that I wrote my number in her yearbook
[11:55] tech_boy_09: obviously she cares about you
[11:55] t3h_pinkest_aura: Obviously. Or maybe she just feels bad for me
[11:56] tech_boy_09: did you even read my od
[11:56] t3h_pinkest_aura: Lately?
[11:56] tech_boy_09: lke today
[11:56] t3h_pinkest_aura: No. I was on earlier but there were no new entries
[11:57] t3h_pinkest_aura: I thought you said you felt better since you broke up with me
[11:58] t3h_pinkest_aura: That's what you said in your MySpace blog
[12:00] tech_boy_09: no, it says ive been happier latly
[12:00] tech_boy_09: my old friends have been helping me
[12:01] t3h_pinkest_aura: I've always tried to help people
[12:01] t3h_pinkest_aura: I stayed up past my "I really need to ******** sleep" time trying to help Kaseo and Phil
[12:01] t3h_pinkest_aura: so many times*
[12:02] tech_boy_09: no one can help me unless they know te workings of my mind, and that i joel pepin and kaylee
[12:03] t3h_pinkest_aura: great
[12:03] t3h_pinkest_aura: I guess you'd rather go out with one of them
[12:03] tech_boy_09: no. i wouldnt
[12:03] tech_boy_09: >.<
[12:08] tech_boy_09: those are my closest advisors, mike is my hero. he never stops working or helping people, if i pas out hes there, if i break a bone hes there, hes saved my lie before
[12:10] tech_boy_09: my whole life ive tried to follow mike, tried to be as good as him
[12:11] tech_boy_09: now that im almost there people sart dumping s**t on me i cant deal with
[12:11] t3h_pinkest_aura: like what?
[12:17] t3h_pinkest_aura: Grr. I need to eat and take my Prozac.
[12:17] t3h_pinkest_aura: Before I kill myself, or someone else.

-----------------------------------------

[18:01] tech_boy_09: u said u hated me, you said you hated this
[18:02] t3h_pinkest_aura: Then my Prozac kicked in
[18:02] t3h_pinkest_aura: -You- said you had something for me
[18:02] t3h_pinkest_aura: I'm easily swayed by the offering of gifts
[18:02] t3h_pinkest_aura: My worst enemy could give me a piece of chocolate and they'd be my new best friend
[18:02] t3h_pinkest_aura: Even Autumn
[18:03] tech_boy_09: never mind, you need to get past your depression
[18:03] tech_boy_09: your not the same on prozac
[18:03] t3h_pinkest_aura: =[
[18:04] tech_boy_09: i cant talk to you while your like this
[18:04] t3h_pinkest_aura: Like what?
[18:05] tech_boy_09: your in an unnatural state of happiness
[18:05] t3h_pinkest_aura: I'm not happy
[18:05] tech_boy_09: thats why i hate meds
[18:06] t3h_pinkest_aura: Is that why you don't like me anymore?
[18:06] tech_boy_09: no