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The Problem with HANOI ROCKS

You can only really appreciate the quality of bands like DIAMOND HEAD by comparing then to the musical quango to come. Apart from the nefarious trio of POISON, WARRANT and MOTLEY CRUE there was one serious European contender for the title of worst metal/glam/hard rock band ever. Ladies and Gentlemen lets take a good look at Finland's finest pissweak metal, HANOI ROCKS.

Finland as a country has some great highlights.It throws together vowels with reckless abandon with pronunciation that requires the speaker to say the word, cough and clear their throat at the same time. It is a phlegm inducing language.With a population of about 5 million you would hope that talent would be more prevalent.

Taking their cues from the Finnish glam-punk-rock scene in 1980, HANOI ROCKS came into being. Led by Andy McCoy, who's real name Antti Hulkko, the band sprung onto a European scene looking for a direction. But wait, why would you choose the name Andy McCoy. Well, I don't know, but it was certainly better than the rhythm guiarists name, Nasty Suicide.

The first album was barfed into existence in 1981 with the title "Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Hanoi Rocks". It had all the appeal of the George Bush literature guide. It was quickly followed by "Self Destruction Blues" released in 1982 but unfortunately the band didn't take their own advice. A third album appeared in 1983 and was the first to break the UK100 album chart. Of course three albums then means that a live album was due and out it came, followed by a UK tour, a release of another studio album "Two steps from the move" and another live album. The band had broken the top 30 albums chart in the UK but regular readers know that such a fine start must end in tragedy.

The first drummer - why always the drummer....- was replaced in 1984 by Razzle. While touring in the US Razzle gets in a car with Vince Neil of MOTLEY CRUE. They crash and Razzle dies, followed a few months later by HANOI ROCKS. For those that still do printed media you can read all about it in "The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band". You'll find a dedication to this on "Theater of Pain". Note the spelling of theatre is wrong here but I may have raised that before.

HANOI ROCKS has stuttered into life in 2002, 2005 and 2007. Fashion tells us that crap glam-punk-pseudo metal - pomp rock has to com back into fashion. Why I don't know. This band take insipid media fuelled crap to almost Sigue Sigue Sputnik levels. I would rather watch a Cheaters marathon than listen to this vomit inducing vinyl abuse