I dunno really. I just feel like writing but I don't really feel like writing my story...hell...i barely felt like writin this...I'm thinking of doing a random piece, just to get my artistic juices flowing.
I'm thinking alot about school, what's it gonna be like? I'm curious and kinda worried to find out. It's wierd. Last year, I didn't even care, I mean c'mon, I was in 7th grade, the Invisibles, as we called ourselves. 8th graders thought we were 6th and 6th thought we were 8th. But this year, I'm going to be part of the group that rules the school...
Then Im gonna be a freshman, lmao.
Oh well, being a freshman shouldn't be too bad, I mean, really, My brother's freshmen year...sucked...Ok, I'm gonna forget about that right now, its depressing me.
Lol
Anyway, I wonder what it'll be like. Much like my friend, AngelWalker, this is the beginning of the end of an era. I'm no a little kid anymore. I'm going to High School in less than a year. Yes, I'm still a kid, but now i'm entering a time where i have to start making choices and start realizing who I wanna be.
Career plan.
Thats a big part of this year. This year is gonna start deciding what I wanna do with my life. After all, I have to decide which classes to try extra hard in so I can get into better classes for certain jobs. This year is gonna be different.
I know it because i feel different. I dont feel like the girl I was at the beginning of the summer. I feel renewed in small and bigs ways.
I'm also realizing that I dont get along with old friends as easily as I used to.
That was the first flag and it said "Hey, you're not the same you anymore."
Its right too. Im not. I feel much different. My friends aren't really interested in school, most of them anyway, and they don't really care about their future, saying that they'll handle it when it needs handling
That makes me think- You need to Start handling it now! It needs to start being taken care of now! I wanna be a writer someday and in order for that to ever happen, I need to start focusing on the imporant stuff.
But how do I do that when my old friends seem to be holding me back? How do I do that when every time I try to push myself further, my friends seem to think I'm trying to act like I'm better than them- Its not that!
Its more that...well...I don't wanna be 20 in college and wondering 95% of the time- what am I doing here? Why am I here?
I wanna know! I wanna have goals and I wanna reach those goals. I want to BE something when I grow up.
But how do I do that without leaving those friends that refuse to start realizing- hey, this is the year where I our lives are gonna start forming- behind?
I'm scared to wonder...if I've changed this much THIS summer...
What's gonna happen to me next year?
I mean honestly!! I don't like the same bands, I don't like the same foods, I don't like the same things, alot of the things I would pay 50$ for in a hot second make me wanna ralph now. Well, not puke but you get what I mean. So much that I used to love just doesn't interest me anymore.
And I'm also starting to wonder, since I've asked several older friends what they think and you know, so few of them said that any of this registered in thier minds at all. I'm really starting to wonder if my parent's divorce is what made me start thinking more...cuz I have been doing alot of that since the day i found out...
