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Do you ever kinda think that something is coming and it makes your stomach jump?

Like, someone says that they always come out and tell people how they feel in private, like through a PM or such. Then, a day or so later, they say bye to you and tell you they'll PM you later.

Does it say something if your mind goes "omg"? Cause that's what my mind is doing and I'm sorta freaking out.

*sigh* I still want to take a break. With Jarrett. And I know he's not gonna be happy about it. But the more time goes on, the more I think it's a good idea.

As my mom said, he's a great guy. It's just he's smothering (her words, not mine). Cause he's always around. I can understand it since we haven't really been together most of the year we've been together, but still. I want to get away now. I want to discover my freedom. I want to flirt and not feel guilty about it.

I kinda miss being single. And I didn't think I'd say that.

It's just... I'm 19 years old. I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I'm not ready to be tied to one person for the rest of my days. I want to know how other guys are. What they're like.

It's not that I'm not happy. I love Jarrett, I really do. But sometimes... UGH.

I can't even tell him how much I want to go back to school because he'll take it personally and think I'm tired of being around him. And, even though I want a break, that is NOT why I wanna go back.

I wanna go back because I miss my friends. I miss the freedoms that I have up there, being able to go pretty much wherever whenever I want. To stay up late and not have people bugging me about it. To decide to go out to the movies and not have to let people know where I am.

I'unno. Last year almost feels like a dream at this point. I'm well aware that I've changed.Maybe not a lot, but I have. And it's not even that I don't like home, it's that I've adjusted to life.

I was so nervous about college, and I was adjusted in like a week.

There is no way Jarrett is going to take kindly to me still saying we should take a break. He doesn't even like that I say things like "if we do this."

And all anyone tells me is what a great guy I have...

*sniffles*

I KNOW that I have a great guy. And I doubt anyone out there will ever love me more than he does. But how do I KNOW??? I want to try things, I want to experience things! I hate this.

*sigh*

Well, I've thoroughly depressed myself. I'ma go now. Bye.