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Amy: Home then?
Jarrett: yeah.
Amy: Yay!
Jarrett: I thought you were going to bed?
Amy: I was waiting a few minutes to make sure you got home.
Amy: And trying to finish this post before I go.
Jarrett: ok.
Amy: Wanna stay and chat? Or are you going to bed.
Jarrett: I'm not tired yet, I don't know what I'm gonna do though.
Amy: Ah, Ok
Jarrett: Is there anything else at my house you'll need before I leave, besaides your pool stick?
Amy: I don't think so.
Jarrett: ok.makin' sure.
Amy: You cna't think of anything, can you?
Jarrett: You said you lost the digital copy of that one picture I have, I'll bring it over too.
Amy: -^_^-
Amy: You can keep that, if you want.
Amy: I'll print out that other pic this tomorrow for you.
Jarrett: Yeah, but you said you didn't have any more of that one?You don't want it for your own collection?
Amy: I want it to be just for you.
Jarrett: very well.
Amy: Unless you want me to have a copy
Jarrett: You just seemed ademate about it when you were over here was all.
Amy: *hugs*
Jarrett: I might play a few rounds of pool before I go to bed, I don't know.
Amy: You can.
Amy: Hun?
Jarrett: Yes?
Amy: You seem reserved.
Jarrett: I'm sorry?
Amy: Just saying.
Jarrett: I don't know what to tell ya.
Amy: Ok, I'm just still making sure nothing is wrong
Jarrett: I think I can put my finger on it now.
Amy: Tell, please?
Jarrett: It's just that it's really irritating to be at the beach seeing all kinds of beautiful women and not doing anything about it becasue I know I've got my own beautiful woman to do stuff with at home.Then I get home, after having to watch everyone else hook up, and you work on the computer most of the night.
Amy: I'm sorry hun.
Jarrett: don't be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for.I'm pretty sure I'm just a pig of a jerk for being irritated about it in the first place, but so sue me.I'm a guy.
Amy: No, it was wrong of me.
Amy: I just wasn't expecting you to be here and was trying to get that art stuff done.
Jarrett: I know, that's why you shouldn't sorry.It's not your fault, I've learned over the course of my life that it's always my fault.I shouldn't have come over today and caught by surprise, I should've just waited until tomorrow and everything would've been happy.See, this is why I didn't want to say it, 'cas I knew there was something that made my claims and/or gripes completely unsubstantiated.
Jarrett: Sorry.
Amy: Jarrett Thompson.
Jarrett: Yes?
Amy: Stop it.
Amy: It is nopt becomming to always blame yourself, cause dammit, it is not always your fault.
Amy: I should have turned off the computer and been with my flash and blood boyfriend who is going to be gone with very little contact for the next 3 odd months.
Amy: **flesh
Jarrett: For those next three odd months I won't be your boyfriend.
Amy: All the more reason to enjoy you now.
Jarrett: You'll be able to enjoy all the boys you want soon as I'm gone.
Amy: You're pissed about this, aren't you
Jarrett: Which part of the convorsation?
Amy: Us taking a break
Jarrett: No, I'm really not, I've come to terms with it.I'm just stating fact, 'cas it doesn't seem like you'll be taking full advantage of tyhe break, and that's the whole point of the damn thing.Is for you to get out there and experience other boys so that you know whether you really do want and in fact need me.'Cas if you don't flat out need me, as in can't live without, then this aint gonna work anyway.
Amy: Oh.
Jarrett: Ok, how mad did I just make you?'cAs I know I lost control on that one.
Amy: I'm not mad, per say. It's just... hard to explain, and even if I do, I know you're not gonna understand.
Jarrett: Try, I didn't think you'ld understand anything I've been saying, so there's a shot?
Amy: If it were up to you, would you have asked me to marry you already?
Jarrett: Nope, I'lod do it after basic once I've got financial security.I wouldn't be trying to impede your college or anything like that, the engagement could go for as long as it has to, but yes.I'ld do it much sooner than your willing too, but I know this, so I don't bother saying anything.
Amy: So, you are ready for forever.
Jarrett: Amy, I've bred myself for forever, or have I not made that blatantly clear over this past year.I'm not one for being single, I suck at it, and I hate living the life style.I'm looking for my true love, plain and simple, and believe it or not I kind of thought it was you.I say thought, 'cas it's a two way thing, and even though you may very well love me, true love is an aching need, and you seem perfectly fine(or at least alot better off than I am) when I'm not around.
Amy: That's my point. You're ready to settle down forever. I'm not. I've finally discovered my freedom and found that I like it.
Jarrett: So am I to understand that I'm just another part of the ball and chain that is Gastonia?
Amy: *sighs* I knew you wouldn't understand.
Jarrett: Help me to understand.'cas you seem all free and essentially happy when you're at college and I'm NOT there?How do I fit into this freedom of yours?
Amy: Baby, just because I can't wait to get back to school and be "free" again does not mean that you don't fit into it. No, I don't know how you "fit into" freedom.
Amy: I don't know how I fit into freedom...
Jarrett: Fair enough, then just tell me this.Why do you still want me around aside from the fact that I allow myself to be a completely whipped man servant?What about me allows me to show up at your house everyday without you calling the cops on me?
Amy: Because you love me and no one will ever be able to love me as much as you do.
Jarrett: ok, how do you know this?
Amy: I just do.
Amy: No one can treat me as good as you do, put up with me like you do...
Amy: And that's why I suck.
Jarrett: You do not suck, hush.Now, I know these things of which you speak to be true, I've worked too damn hard for them not to be, but how do you know for certain that some other guy can't do it better than me?
Amy: How do you know one can?
Jarrett: Just stay with me here, I'm proving a point, you can disprove it as soon as I arguie my side.Once again, how do you know, for certain, some other guy can't do it better than me?
Amy: I don't. It's just a feeling and seeing other guys.
Amy: Or rather, hearing other girls talk about their guys.
Jarrett: Exactly, you don't, yet.The exact point of the break.(f.y.i. even if you had given me a definite reason, I would've just argued, then what's so wrong with forever. )
Amy: There's nothing wrong with forever. But I'm NOT ready for it. I will be, one day. But for now, I want NOW, not forever.
Jarrett: Everyday of NOW eventually becomes a FOREVER, you know that right?
Jarrett:
Amy: -_-;
Amy: Thats like saying a single page of a book becomes the novel
Jarrett: It does, because it always leads into another.A story never stops, it must always progress, get better, stronger, more inthralling.even if the original author(or authors) dies, if it is good enough, someone else will pick it up in their own words.
Jarrett: Did you catch my metaphor?
Amy: Yes.
Jarrett: good, I thought IO might have lost it ther for a minute.
Amy: I really don't know how you know your ready.
Jarrett: We're just living our love song Amy, as the song goes.
Jarrett: Wait.
Jarrett: Wasn't finished.
Jarrett: I mean even if it's not with a ring on your finger, if you don't think any other guy can do it as well as I can, than a time for the ring will come.So, even from your logic's point of view, we're already in forever.
Amy: No, you're twisting my words.
Jarrett: How so?
Amy: You're making it work so it'll prove your point.
Jarrett: How so?
Amy: Look what you just typed up there. I don't care if now does eventually lead to forever and that everything we do now effects forever. I want to live in the now, I don't want to look too far into the future.
Jarrett: But you have to plan for the future, without some type of plan, the future will consume you?
Amy: But if you plan everything, how do you know what surprises life might have in store for you?
Jarrett: You adapt your plan to your surprises.And I'm sorry, but my faith plays a part here, what surprises do come, God provides for.
Jarrett: Hello?
Amy: I'm thinking
Jarrett: mmmmmmmmmk.
Jarrett: It didn't send I don't think.
Amy: God also provides opportunities that may not go with the "plan," but which might be better than what you thought originally.
Jarrett: Which is the entire point of the break.
Jarrett: For our situation anyway.
Amy: True.
Amy: I don't want to lose you.
Jarrett: who says you're gonna lose me?
Amy: If I do, by some reason, meet a guy and start dating him, when you get out, you;ll leave and never show your face again.
Jarrett: Yeah?Amy, I've said it before, the whole just being friends s**t don't work.I had to watch Kevin and Shannon before I met you, I'm not going through it again, I'm not.
Jarrett: And plus, you find another guy, you won't need me anymore.
Amy: But what if the other guy doesn't work out and I realize I'm an a*****e?
Jarrett: You live with it.I've had too.
Amy: Fine.
Jarrett: I know I probably made you mad just now, but I can't back down on this one.I am not merciful when it comes to my convictions.But this is the part where the whole living in the now works out well.We haven't reached a point where we have to worry about this yet, you haven't found someone else you like have you?
Amy: No.
Jarrett: Cool, we don't have to worry aobut it yet then.Now what all do you need to yell at me?
Amy: It doesn't matter, you wouldn't understand. You've proven that to me.
Jarrett: It does matter, even if I don't understand.It's you talking, of course it matters.
Amy: I already told you, I don't want to lose you. Even if you disappeared and like would just randomly send me an email or MySpace or something, I'd be happy. Because you, with your forever and how now turns into forever, should realize that God might throw us a surprise that takes some time to work around before we continue to forever.
Jarrett: Hold up, you think I wouldn't be watching?Just because you wouldn't see me doesn't mean I wouldn't see you.You should've listened to the stories of me being a stalker better.
Jarrett:
Amy: Can I ask you something?
Jarrett: Always.
Amy: If for ehatever reason, we decide to extend our breakl when you get out, will you keep an eye open and, maybe, one day when I'm ready, come back?
Amy: **whatever
Jarrett: it depends on what you do while we're on break.I'm not the God I worship, I don't forgive everything if asked earnestly.I'm human, some things are beyond me to forgive.
Amy: Like what, if I may ask?
Jarrett: I don't know yet, I know it when I see it.And one more thing, I don't mean to be spiteful, I really don't, but I want to point out how your wording these things.I don't want to lose oyu and now, when I'M ready will you come back.You're making it sound like I'm a toy to be put on a shelf and played with whenever you feel inclined.I know that's not how you mean it, but please try and word it a little better?
Amy: I was referring to when you thought I was ready, if that makes sense.
Amy: Or, if you want it worded better, just take out that part. That's what I meant. Just would you ever come back one day.
Jarrett: thank you, but it will still depend on what happened.
Amy: Can you try to think of something? Please?
Jarrett: See I'm worried if I do say something.Because a human's natural inclination in this instance is to do everything they may want BUT what I say I don't want done so as to accomplish both goals.I reiterate, that's not talking abvout you, that's talking about everyone.
Amy: So, what you're basically saying is you won't tell me cause you don't want me to not do something just cause you said it.
Jarrett: Yes.And I realize there's apparently something wrong with that, what is it?
Amy: No, I understand why you're doing it, I just still wanna know.
Amy: Can I ask you instances maybe?
Amy: So, the whole point of the break is I'm supposed to see if there's someone else out there, yes?
Jarrett: yes.
Amy: Which, in my mind, would mean that if something that would make you never talk to me at all again would not be a kiss.
Jarrett: Wait, what?Word it a little better please?
Amy: Would you talk to me again if I kissed another guy while we were on break.
Jarrett: probably.
Amy: Ok. Not that I would because I doubt dating someone in three months max would lead this far, but sex?
Jarrett: You ******** anyone while I'm gone, I'll never look at you again, let alone talk to you.
Amy: Thought so.
Jarrett: And that's exactly why I didn't want to say it.Now it doesn't even matter anymore.
Amy: Wait, what doesn't matter?
Jarrett: Anything, you will no longer feel completely free of me, therefore, it no longer matters.I knew if I gave a definite to any of these, it would make the whole break meaningless.
Amy: I wouldn't have had sex anyway.
Amy: I know I wouldn't have.
Amy: So don't say "No you don't know"
Amy: I'm not ready now, and I won't be ready in the next three months.
Amy: Honestly, I'd rather wait to be engaged the more I think about it.
Jarrett: The point was not whether you actually would or not, the point was that you thought you had the freedom to do it if you did want too.The point was to see how you would function completely free of me.
Amy: And I know I wouldn't have sex. If I didn't have sex in the year I've known you, what makes you think I'd do it in three months of knowing someone else?
Jarrett: hun, the actual act was not the point, it was the mindset.
Amy: Besides, I already knew you wouldn't ever talk to me if I had sex with someone else, so you confirming that proved nothing
Jarrett: Ok then, why risk it at all?Why did you agree to the break in the first place?
Amy: Because part of my mind wants to see what it's like.
Jarrett: Fair enough, you do know when we make it through this, we're not taking breaks everytime I go over sees right?
Amy: No, not every time.
Jarrett: No,not anytime, this is a one shotter.
Amy: Hmm.
Jarrett: but it's a subject for another time.'Cas now we're getting way to far into the future, and it's three in the morning.We should sleep.
Amy: I want you to know that I do love you. Ok?
Jarrett: And I love you Amy, that never changes.Ok??These are just discussions we must have, I don't stop loving oyu and then start again.It is constant.Ok?
Amy: Ok. I know.
Jarrett: good,goodnight beautiful, sleep well.I'll see oyu tomorrow.
Amy: Bye hun. Love you.
Jarrett: (kisses forehead)