Today for the first time in a long time, I had a blast and I wasn't home. I wasn't on the computer talking to friends about hilarious subjects or any of that.its been a long time since I've had a night like that and I rather miss it. But I'm glad that I had it. It helped me alot.
Lately I've felt kinda isolated because I'm always home so much and it was good to get out of my house and chillax.
I'm at my friends Marlee's house right now with her boyfriend, which, if I were a parent, I would be paranoid about letting over to sleep at my house, with my daughter, which was his girlfriend, but I'm here. They know I'd kick their asses for getting kinky in front of me because after all, no one wants to deal with that crap. Being the third wheel is bad enough after all.
Anyway, its been....Oww....Nana and Peanut were messing around on the couch ( not in the kinky manner ) and Nana's head just slammed into the back of mine. I think I lost sight for a moment there but other then the slight ache, I'm just fine.
Now they're off the couch and Marlee is on top of him with a pillow between them. I THINK I'm about to witness a murder. xD Awws, now they're cuddlin!
Ok, enough play by plays.
How are you guys?
Me? I'm ok. Being at my friends house is nice since, she's just moving in and her computer is on the floor, so im laid out, quiet comfortable, watching a movie holding the keyboard and typing but im not really looking at the screen because im watching a movie. Its kinda hard considering, wel, I keep almost typing whatever they say in the moive.
Whats the movie?
Bad News Bears
Its not half bad. I though it would suck but the bad language these kids talk is rather funny. Some asian brainy kid just stuck his head down a basement door to look around and found a rat infestation and then some red smoke started up...I think the son of a b***h us having them clean his house..
Well, I'm not sure what to talk about now so I'll just talk about whatever comes to mind I guess...
Hmm..how about this?
Earlier today I was at the park, well, I was playing around with my friends at the elementary school playground near my aparentment complex and then Nana and Peanut ( Marlee and Brandon ) started huggin' a bit and then that made me think of my boyfriend ) started huggin which made me think of Brett and made me think of how he's was with his friends and some chick named Chelsea.
Now, I have nothing personal against her but, Im just really jealous of her. Its just that when he talks about here....it drives me nuts. He lives a good bit away from me!! How do I know whats happening? How would I know if shes flirting with him or not. I dont and thats what drives me up the goddamn wall.
Well, I let it slip that I had been thinking about him and then I lied about it, rather, I refused to stay on the subject and kept changing it. I eventualy got him off it but my point is. I was thinking about ways to beat the s**t out of Chelsea if she was flirting with him or even looking at him in a way I wouldn't like.
Now I've never met her, so I don't know if she would do that but my point is that I just dont like the thought of someone else taking him from me. I love him more than anything else in the world and I'd hate to lose him.
I gave Nana a hug today, Marlee did with me. Lol. But anyway, it made me think of him more and that made me more jealous of Chelsea.
*sigh* but what can I do? Not like I can pop up...and see him whenever I want.
Marlee just asked me why I don't get local boyfriends.
Maybe thats because I'm Passive Agressive. Means: I'll hit you for no reason, and I wont care. If it hurts you, I wont really care unless I care about you. Its a mental thing. I cant help it.
Anyway, I hate to say this but right now...Im thinking that maybe he would be happier if we broke up, because he could find someone closer to him..I love him, everyone reading this who knows me at all will know I mean that but Im serious, I love him and he'd be happier if he had a girlfriend he could hold as often as he wanted, and kiss and...my point, someone closer to him.
I really don't want to but this song "Leave The Pieces" by the Wreckers, explains why I probably should....
Brett, you know I love you, more than anyone else, but admit to yourself, right now, look in your heart, and really think about it-
Is it worth watiing until your old enough to move out on your own to see me?
Thats 3 years.
Are you sure we'll even last that long?
Doesn't it hurt to know that you can't hold me when you really need a shoulder to cry on?
Doesn't it hurt to know that I can't be there in physical form when you need me most?
I'll talk to you about this later hon, but please, for me, really think about it. It makes me wanna cry to think about it but admit it. We'd be better off. You would be. I really don't wanna hurt you. I know this is going to...I know that you don't wanna lose me, but you aren't. Losing me is different from this. Losing me, is never speaking to me again, losing me, is like me dying or something. Its much different.
I will always be there for you to talk to. I will always be here when you need someone. And you can still read all you want of my book! But please, honest to god consider this...
If you could look me full in the face, and tell me without a single little bit of doubt that you can stand knowing that you can hug me, hold me, or kiss me when you want, then I'll have all the faith possible in your judement and let this continue but I still think that for both our sakes...we should find someone closer by...that we should find domeone that we can really hold because to be honest...it kills me inside to know that I cant hold you.
I love you Brett, I really love you
but really, think about it...because I'd only say this if I honestly thought that it was for the best.
Ice Out
Lately I've felt kinda isolated because I'm always home so much and it was good to get out of my house and chillax.
I'm at my friends Marlee's house right now with her boyfriend, which, if I were a parent, I would be paranoid about letting over to sleep at my house, with my daughter, which was his girlfriend, but I'm here. They know I'd kick their asses for getting kinky in front of me because after all, no one wants to deal with that crap. Being the third wheel is bad enough after all.
Anyway, its been....Oww....Nana and Peanut were messing around on the couch ( not in the kinky manner ) and Nana's head just slammed into the back of mine. I think I lost sight for a moment there but other then the slight ache, I'm just fine.
Now they're off the couch and Marlee is on top of him with a pillow between them. I THINK I'm about to witness a murder. xD Awws, now they're cuddlin!
Ok, enough play by plays.
How are you guys?
Me? I'm ok. Being at my friends house is nice since, she's just moving in and her computer is on the floor, so im laid out, quiet comfortable, watching a movie holding the keyboard and typing but im not really looking at the screen because im watching a movie. Its kinda hard considering, wel, I keep almost typing whatever they say in the moive.
Whats the movie?
Bad News Bears
Its not half bad. I though it would suck but the bad language these kids talk is rather funny. Some asian brainy kid just stuck his head down a basement door to look around and found a rat infestation and then some red smoke started up...I think the son of a b***h us having them clean his house..
Well, I'm not sure what to talk about now so I'll just talk about whatever comes to mind I guess...
Hmm..how about this?
Earlier today I was at the park, well, I was playing around with my friends at the elementary school playground near my aparentment complex and then Nana and Peanut ( Marlee and Brandon ) started huggin' a bit and then that made me think of my boyfriend ) started huggin which made me think of Brett and made me think of how he's was with his friends and some chick named Chelsea.
Now, I have nothing personal against her but, Im just really jealous of her. Its just that when he talks about here....it drives me nuts. He lives a good bit away from me!! How do I know whats happening? How would I know if shes flirting with him or not. I dont and thats what drives me up the goddamn wall.
Well, I let it slip that I had been thinking about him and then I lied about it, rather, I refused to stay on the subject and kept changing it. I eventualy got him off it but my point is. I was thinking about ways to beat the s**t out of Chelsea if she was flirting with him or even looking at him in a way I wouldn't like.
Now I've never met her, so I don't know if she would do that but my point is that I just dont like the thought of someone else taking him from me. I love him more than anything else in the world and I'd hate to lose him.
I gave Nana a hug today, Marlee did with me. Lol. But anyway, it made me think of him more and that made me more jealous of Chelsea.
*sigh* but what can I do? Not like I can pop up...and see him whenever I want.
Marlee just asked me why I don't get local boyfriends.
Maybe thats because I'm Passive Agressive. Means: I'll hit you for no reason, and I wont care. If it hurts you, I wont really care unless I care about you. Its a mental thing. I cant help it.
Anyway, I hate to say this but right now...Im thinking that maybe he would be happier if we broke up, because he could find someone closer to him..I love him, everyone reading this who knows me at all will know I mean that but Im serious, I love him and he'd be happier if he had a girlfriend he could hold as often as he wanted, and kiss and...my point, someone closer to him.
I really don't want to but this song "Leave The Pieces" by the Wreckers, explains why I probably should....
Brett, you know I love you, more than anyone else, but admit to yourself, right now, look in your heart, and really think about it-
Is it worth watiing until your old enough to move out on your own to see me?
Thats 3 years.
Are you sure we'll even last that long?
Doesn't it hurt to know that you can't hold me when you really need a shoulder to cry on?
Doesn't it hurt to know that I can't be there in physical form when you need me most?
I'll talk to you about this later hon, but please, for me, really think about it. It makes me wanna cry to think about it but admit it. We'd be better off. You would be. I really don't wanna hurt you. I know this is going to...I know that you don't wanna lose me, but you aren't. Losing me is different from this. Losing me, is never speaking to me again, losing me, is like me dying or something. Its much different.
I will always be there for you to talk to. I will always be here when you need someone. And you can still read all you want of my book! But please, honest to god consider this...
If you could look me full in the face, and tell me without a single little bit of doubt that you can stand knowing that you can hug me, hold me, or kiss me when you want, then I'll have all the faith possible in your judement and let this continue but I still think that for both our sakes...we should find someone closer by...that we should find domeone that we can really hold because to be honest...it kills me inside to know that I cant hold you.
I love you Brett, I really love you
but really, think about it...because I'd only say this if I honestly thought that it was for the best.
Ice Out
