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[01] Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

[02] One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

[03] Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

[04] If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

[05] The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

[06] I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

[07] What if there were no hypothetical questions?

[08] If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

[09] If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

[10] Is there another word for synonym?

[11] Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

[12] What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

[13] If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

[14] Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

[15] Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

[16] If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

[17] Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

[18] If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

[19] Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me? I know there's a logical explanation, but it escapes me!)

[20] How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

[21] What was the best thing before sliced bread?

[22] One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

[23] Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

[24] Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

[25] How is it possible to have a civil war?

[26] If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

[27] If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

[28] If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

[29] Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

[30] Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

[31] Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

[32] Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

[33] If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?