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some RPCs characters for anime kindergarten
~* Konnichwa! ^^ *~
though, this isn't a 'RPCs for anime kindergarten' sorry. i am too lazy to change the header. anyways this story was written by lena-chan. ( aka Battousi child. ) this story is not the original original story but oh well. ^^ happy reading!

well I have a story I am still a begginer and I sorta got it of chobits and elfen lied if u like it tell me! Because I need support to help me write. rate it outta 10 plz?
well here we go.(I have no tittle can people give me ides it would be great k)



There was once a two young perscons. In their species they were called CHOBITS. One chobit was a girl named Sakura, and the other was boy named Negi. The two were experented on constantly. That is where everything went wrong. They were both placed in different facilities. They gave one test that they knew that it would change them. But they needed to give them extra so it would work. They gave them both a shot of it in their arms then they made them both drink it. Over night Negi bagan to get sick and he had a strange urdge of killing people. Sakura on the other hand she tried to escape, she also had an urdge to kill. She had tried to escape all night, but nothing worked. In the early morning the scientists went to chak on Negi. One of the doctor's name is Akane. Akane said to the scientits'' Release him the liquid has damaged him he may walk to get his strength. We must analyse him afterwards." Some doctors went to release Negi out of the room. The rest went to check on Sakura was alright. She looked pale and her eyue corlor changed from blue to green. The scientits started to back away. Negi was released, but only to walk around. Fifteen doctors includingkane went with him. Negi looked at Akane sadly," Where is Sakura.., what did you do to her!."
"She is unharmed, they are making sure she isn't ill." said Akane surley. Nagi had that urdge again, to kill. Negi stopped for a moment, he turned around and screamed" Stay away from me." his eyes flashed from gold to black. His hands flew directly on his head. Akane started to run towards Negi two of.The scientits held her back"Negi!" she cried out. The twelve other scientists contained Negi into a close by room. The scientists held him back to a wall and closed the door.
Meanwhile
Sakura smirked and said,"Scared eh?... You should be." She broke everything in her path. She ran fast and in a blink of an eye everyone was dead on the floor. Blood spilled everywhere. She stared up while smiling. The blood dripped on her face.






User Comments: [3] [add]
[One.Life]
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Aug 18, 2007 @ 05:58pm
There are a few typos, grammatical errors, and some choppy sentences. Well, hey, you are just starting middle school.

Otherwise, the concept seems interesting, and I'd like to read more~! ^^

6/10.

Seeing as I was trained to be a literary jerk, I could help you with a few structural and grammatical aspects... ^^ *did crap like this all summer* I had to reveiw things that sucked like hell... like... KRAVOS THE MERCENARY. OHOHOHO. >>;;


commentCommented on: Sun Sep 02, 2007 @ 05:30am
well at least my story is ok to u one life



sweet cupcake29
Community Member
saucy fellow
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Thu Oct 04, 2007 @ 11:55pm
Wahoo.

*gasp* As in...Lena who ride Bus 30? I sit in front of her half the time if that's the case.

Uhm, good story so for, as Allie indicates, lots of errors and such.

7/10.

Wonder if she'll realize who I am...


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User Comments: [3] [add]
 
 
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