You don’t understand how much I love you……
Everyday I look at you I think about how we use to be so close how u wud always say I love u …..but now u only just give me a half unhappy smile every time I say hi….. I know ur days might not be so great sometimes but that never stopped you from being nice to me… u dnt even say hi anymore…. U just ask me ‘can you throw this away please?’ or something like that….I’ll never deny you of what u want from me….. But I just need you…… I need ur touch and ur warm smile u use to give me… I need ur beautiful eyes to stare at me with love the way they use to…..I need you so much…… but ever since that night I told u….. u havent been the same around me…. In the summer u didn’t act the way u do now…. I just dnt understand….. What did I do in the summer to make u so…. So……so afraid of me?? Today wen I realized u were wearing those cute pairs of sock that I gave for part of ur bday present today, I thought I was gonna burst into tears realizing that u havent totally wanted me out of ur life……I know that u’ll never love me the way I love u but…….stil…..I remember wen I ask u ‘just because you dnt love me the way I love u doesn’t mean that u dnt love me with all ur heart right?’ and u said right and smiled that beautiful warm gorgeous delicate soothing sensitive ‘I’ll always love u’ smile….. Well I dnt really know if u still love me with all ur heart cuz ur not showin it……and at least, at least if something is really wrong plz tell me so I dnt have to cry myself to sleep every other night thinking ‘shes doesn’t love u get on with ur life you retard’ I want to help u and understand and feel ur pain so I can help u be releaved of it……..
Everyday on the ferry I listen to my ipod and every time I go to a song it reminds me of something u said to me or something u did and that reminds me of how much u use to love me and how much I want u now…
That day I came over to ur house to ask bout ur party……wen I asked u ‘why havent u been talking to me lately? Not like with me 24/7 just a couple hi’s here and there’ I felt like such a complete and utter idiot wen I was asking u that, I thought I was gonna burst into tears and get down on my knees and beg u to plz talk to me……. Wen I was walking home I felt like such a retard what the hell was I thinking? All I cud think was ‘ I’m such a freak, and idiotic, retarded, mental case, freak!!!!! What the hell was I thinking?????’
I’m just so scared and confused……I dnt kno wat to think anymore…..the one person who gives me the love I want and need and is one out of the 2 ppl who can make me feel better HAS TO BE AWAY RIGHT NOW…… the other is going through a rough time right now and my freakish problem would only make her more troubled……..
 xXxLet-Me-BurnxXx · Thu Sep 27, 2007 @ 04:02am · 1 Comments |
