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*sigh* "Sal, I won't lie. This was a d**k move on your part, but I understand. And we forgive you. We love you just the same and we'll miss you."

This afternoon, as I looked at that beautifully painted corspe of our little "Salazar" in that casket and spoke those words, I couldn't help but wonder why. It's been on my mind since the moment I got the IM that stated "Sal killed himself last night." My initial reaction was disbelief. But it's no joke. So right after, "You're lying..." was "WHY!?" But it's none of my business since he chose not to make it my business. And that hurts a bit. Store 319 is like no other store I've entered. We're a family. No matter where I was, I'd have come to say goodbye. Had it been Jersey, Florida, Cali, Canada, or Japan, I'd have been there to say goodbye. We all did. Because we're family.

And we love him.

As a room full of adolencent and grown men held each other and soaked each other's shoulders, we all cried "WHY!?" None of us understand. But we don't need to. We still love him. And we hurt.

He hurt us.

No one and nothing can fill the void that he left us with. No matter how much our family grows, it'll never be complete again. Dammit Sal! Why didn't you come to one of us? If you couldn't talk to your blood, I understand maybe you thought you couldn't come to us. Whatever was going on at home, we'll never know. It's possible we were your escape. You smiled, joked, played, and laughed with us. We don't know if you did that at home. But we're so ******** glad you did it with us. But you never will again. And we hurt.

You hurt us.

But we forgive you. We still love you. You'll never be replaced.

He chose to return himself to the earth, but I feel that he heard me when I spoke the words at his casket as I speak the words to him now.

I kneeled before him. Paul sobbing lightly at my side, hot tears I tried to hold back rolling down my cheeks... but I was able to speak to him. I wish I had driven out there last Sunday. The last day he worked. I didn't know he'd worked sunday, but I wanted to go. I didn't bother with the 2 hour drive there and now I regret it. From what I was told, he was in the euphoria someone has after they decide to self terminate. I would have gotten a last chance to see that adorable smile.

When Devil May Cry 4 comes out... I don't care how great a game it will be... I don't think I could stand to sit and play it. It will be a while... one day, I'll just smile and think of him when I play it, but right now, I can't even see my wallscroll or the gamebox for the third on. I wanted to bring the wallscroll for him and leave it with him in the casket, but I'd rather be selfish and keep it, so I can look at it and remember my little cutie.

He was still adorable. You know how they say people look like they're sleeping? Normally I'd say "Bullshit, they look dead."

But he didn't.

I was waiting for him to sit up and laugh at us for pulling the best prank ever on us... I kneeled beside him for so long and waited. He never did. I wish he could. I'd have kissed him and then beat his scrawny a**. Dammit Sal! Why didn't you get up, have your fun, let us beat your a**, and then we could all move on with our lives and see you again next week?

Because you're dead.

It's true you'll never cry alone again Sal, but you'll never laugh with us again either.

<center> RIP SSP </center>