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I don't do well in meetings. I have a short attention span. In the order they appeared.


""Fill out my paperwork CORRECTLY you stupid ********!"

"What did I tell you about HANDWRITING b***h!?


The meeting was long and most of it had absolutely jack s**t to do with me or my staff. Did I mention that I'm head of administration for that facility? Yet I'm getting yelled out like a ******** kid over some trivial BULLSHIT that the owner was completely overreacting about because the copier repair people weren't giving him his way. Anyway, after that the meeting continued to drag the ******** on.


The meeting moved into another room and this time only verification officers, sales managers and my assistant were in attendance. They basically looked in our faces and talked to us like ******** untrained secretaries. ******** you VS and all you ******** simpletons can go suck a ******** d**k somewhere.

*sigh* "Sal, I won't lie. This was a d**k move on your part, but I understand. And we forgive you. We love you just the same and we'll miss you."

This afternoon, as I looked at that beautifully painted corspe of our little "Salazar" in that casket and spoke those words, I couldn't help but wonder why. It's been on my mind since the moment I got the IM that stated "Sal killed himself last night." My initial reaction was disbelief. But it's no joke. So right after, "You're lying..." was "WHY!?" But it's none of my business since he chose not to make it my business. And that hurts a bit. Store 319 is like no other store I've entered. We're a family. No matter where I was, I'd have come to say goodbye. Had it been Jersey, Florida, Cali, Canada, or Japan, I'd have been there to say goodbye. We all did. Because we're family.

And we love him.

As a room full of adolencent and grown men held each other and soaked each other's shoulders, we all cried "WHY!?" None of us understand. But we don't need to. We still love him. And we hurt.

He hurt us.

No one and nothing can fill the void that he left us with. No matter how much our family grows, it'll never be complete again. Dammit Sal! Why didn't you come to one of us? If you couldn't talk to your blood, I understand maybe you thought you couldn't come to us. Whatever was going on at home, we'll never know. It's possible we were your escape. You smiled, joked, played, and laughed with us. We don't know if you did that at home. But we're so ******** glad you did it with us. But you never will again. And we hurt.

You hurt us.

But we forgive you. We still love you. You'll never be replaced.

He chose to return himself to the earth, but I feel that he heard me when I spoke the words at his casket as I speak the words to him now.

I kneeled before him. Paul sobbing lightly at my side, hot tears I tried to hold back rolling down my cheeks... but I was able to speak to him. I wish I had driven out there last Sunday. The last day he worked. I didn't know he'd worked sunday, but I wanted to go. I didn't bother with the 2 hour drive there and now I regret it. From what I was told, he was in the euphoria someone has after they decide to self terminate. I would have gotten a last chance to see that adorable smile.

When Devil May Cry 4 comes out... I don't care how great a game it will be... I don't think I could stand to sit and play it. It will be a while... one day, I'll just smile and think of him when I play it, but right now, I can't even see my wallscroll or the gamebox for the third on. I wanted to bring the wallscroll for him and leave it with him in the casket, but I'd rather be selfish and keep it, so I can look at it and remember my little cutie.

He was still adorable. You know how they say people look like they're sleeping? Normally I'd say "Bullshit, they look dead."

But he didn't.

I was waiting for him to sit up and laugh at us for pulling the best prank ever on us... I kneeled beside him for so long and waited. He never did. I wish he could. I'd have kissed him and then beat his scrawny a**. Dammit Sal! Why didn't you get up, have your fun, let us beat your a**, and then we could all move on with our lives and see you again next week?

Because you're dead.

It's true you'll never cry alone again Sal, but you'll never laugh with us again either.

<center> RIP SSP </center>

Seems like I've re-entered the cesspool of stupid known as ED. s**t. I need my anti-ignorance suit.

Homophobia in the Black Community

neutral

I ******** hate my neighbors. The b***h has got to be at least 45 and she's carrying on like a child over a ******** side of the driveway. I ******** HATE living in a two family house. I ******** HATE this s**t.

Apparently, there's assignments to which side of the driveway we're supposed to park on. I've been here since last April and it was never told to us. This b***h moves in upstairs and is telling us that it's her side of the driveway. Fine. Whatever. Who gives a ********? Roomate's boyfriend parks on that side and they go insane. He moves the car. Problem solved? Nope. I park there and the b***h parks right up on my car. I leave and come back to find she moved her car. So what? I don't give a ********. Then she starts bitching about a scratch on her car. I told her that if I scratched her car, there would be a scratch on my car. There is no scratch on my car therefore, I could not have scratched her car. Besides, my car is worth more than scratching her piece of s**t. (Her car really does look like hell.) So I'm leaving to go inside and she'd yelling after me about my attitude. She's lucky I didn't tell the hag to go ******** suck a d**k somewhere. I just told her to act her age. She goes inside and is stomping around upstairs yelling. So ******** what? ******** her. After 15 minutes, it did wear on my nerves.
I call the landlord and tell him exactly what's going on. If that b***h does anything to my car, she's ******** dead. I will hide her haggard leathery face from the ******** sun and go to prison with the satisfaction that her putrid lungs will never again breath foul air into this world. Let her touch my ******** car and you'll see me and she. I will snap her ******** neck, come back inside, get my ******** blade and cut down every ******** one of those bitches that comes to my door looking for trouble.

And she's ******** yelling again. God I ******** HATE Long Island.

Today is my gaia birthday. Yay.

Gotta love it.

Here's my debut to the feedback forum. This is an issue anyone that knows me knows I've been concerned about since the beginning.

Whites Only?

adj 1: moving from east to west on the celestial sphere; or--for planets--around the sun in a direction opposite to that of the Earth 2: of amnesia; affecting time immediately preceding trauma 3: going from better to worse 4: moving or directed or tending in a backward direction or contrary to a previous direction v 1: move backward in an orbit, of celestial bodies 2: move in a direction contrary to the usual one; "retrograding planets" 3: move back; "The glacier retrogrades" 4: go back over; "retrograde arguments" 5: get worse; fall back to a previous or worse condition.

While I don't condone drug and alcohol abuse, I understand. It's a distraction. Distractions are sometimes all we have to keep us sane. Of course, that depends on your definition of sanity.