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Diary of a Madman
Rant: Holidays
So, it's that time of year again. The days grow shorter, the nights longer, and the trees end up looking dead as Strom Thurmond in 95.

...I lol'd, at least.

It is at this time, when holidays are so close together, that I will point out all of the year-long holidays. Or, the ones that stood out so much when I was a kid.

Why as a kid? Pfft, why not? Holidays are most fun for them anyway.

Okay, let's start off at the beginning and work our way to the end.

New Year's Day
Boring. I sleep in. The night before is better. MOVING ON!

Valentine's Day
Ah, Valentine's Day. I ******** hate it. As a child, sure, you always get cards and candy from your classmates, but as a teenager and adult... you get jack unless you have someone who likes you. Candy is optional, ergo Valentine's Day sucks.

St. Patrick's Day
This was fun as a kid. You wear green, talk about leprechauns and other Irish folklore, and at least when I was growing up, we got Shamrock Shakes at McDonald's. Oh, yes. Shamrock Shakes. Green, minty shakes which I assume were made by dying and flavoring vanilla shakes.

Genius.

But it's not my favorite holiday. Besides that, not much else happens (unless you're an adult who likes to drink yourself stupid.)

Easter
This is technically "Christmas 2: ZOMG, He's Alive!" This holiday makes absolutely no sense, as you celebrate Jesus' alleged resurrection by dying eggs, which the Easter Bunny later hides after having given you baskets of goodies. On the one hand, you get candy left over, like Halloween and Christmas. This is the first holiday of the year with leftover stuff, but it ultimately feels not-as-fun as Halloween or Christmas. Probably because it makes no sense. And because it's ultimately nothing but a colored funeral.

Last Day of School
...What? It totally counts when you're a kid.

Independance Day
This is a weird holiday because it's the only holiday we regularly celebrate and call it by the ******** DATE IT FALLS UPON. This is the "Cinco de Mayo" of the US. It's really lame, but at least it's celebrated by a cookout. Not many leftovers afterwards, but we do get fireworks. If only I didn't hate loud noises.

First Day of School
...What? It totally counts when you're a parent.

Halloween
This holiday rocks. You get to carve pumpkins (pumpkin guts FTW), dress up as whatever the hell you want (Cosplayer's Holiday, for sure), bob for apples, eat CANDY-COATED apples, and - best of all - wander to people's houses and beg for candy. If they don't get any, you're contractually obligated to pummel their house with eggs or coat it in toilet paper. In the end, you really only get candy and rotten pumpkins, but it's so worth it if you have to change your underwear at some point.

Thanksgiving
This holiday is for food lovers, for sure. The only leftovers we get are food (but OMG, is it good leftovers), and the holiday colors are pretty drab, but it's a reason to tell what you're thankful for, and I'm thankful that when my mom HAS to cook, she CAN.

Christmas
The ultimate holiday as a child, it trumps Thanksgiving by far, and sometimes even makes Halloween look lame. You decorate the house like Halloween, you dress up like Halloween (though it's really just in festive sweaters and junk, unless you're a mall Santa or an Elf), you get candy like Halloween, and you pimp out a naturally growing plant like on Halloween (though I doubt anybody says "pimp out" for Jack O' Lanterns OR Christmas Trees). But on Christmas, you get ********' PRESENTS. BIG Presents. Sometimes, presents that can't even fit under the tree.

And, if you're lucky enough to live up north... SNOW.

New Year's Eve
The one day a year, now, for me to drink anything alcoholic. I only do it as a celebratory thing, because I actually hate the burning taste. As a kid, it was mostly about family and celebration of another year to come, but now it's mostly "Thank God that old year's over with!"

Just ONCE I'd like a real kiss for the New Year. stare

Ratings
Okay, so here's the ranking for my favorite holidays, in term of practical enjoyment in the days after the holidays are over. Also, in the colors available.

Christmas
Colors: Red, Green
Leftovers: Food, Candy, Presents, Clothing.
Halloween
Colors: Black, Orange
Leftovers: Candy
Thanksgiving
Colors: Yellow, Orange, Red, Brown
Leftovers: Food
Easter
Colors: Every freakin' pastel.
Leftovers: Jelly beans, chocolate rabbits, marshmallow peeps, eggs.
Valentine's Day
Colors: Red, Pink/White
Leftovers: Candy (optional)
St. Patrick's Day
Colors: Green
Leftovers: Nothing.
July 4th
Colors: Red, White, Blue
Leftovers: Next to nil.
New Year's
Colors: Nothing
Leftovers: Very little.

As you can see, the simplicity of colors and what we have left over is VERY important to what children think of the holidays. Two colors minimum, and many things to enjoy afterwards.

Why is Holiday so high if you only get candy? Because there is a VERY WIDE VARIETY of candy. Neither Christmas nor Easter even COMPARES to Halloween's selection of candy.

Halloween is the KING HOLIDAY of candy. As such, children adore it.

So um... there you have it. I should have said more about the holiday coming up, but what's there really to say? You have food and people. sweatdrop

What am I thankful for this year? Damn near nothing. Pretty much the only thing is my new friends - namely Da-Eh. heart

OOH, NAMEDROP! xp






User Comments: [1] [add]
Teia Stormcaster
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sun Nov 25, 2007 @ 07:32pm
holidays...i don't enjoy them that much anymore...halloween's still frickin awesome...but that's about it...christmas is only good for the presents, even though that's not what it's really about... XP


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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