Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
Marriage is wonderful! It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Animal Thoughts
Goldfish: "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over............... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"
Cat: "Why are these people in my house?"
Dog: "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."

Random Facts
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Leonardo DiVinci invented the scissors
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand, "lollipop" with your right.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times: "indivisibility."
Did you know that crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live? That means that if you put a baby croc in an aquarium, it would be little for the rest of its life.
The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable".
It's impossible to lick your elbow.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

NOW DON'T YOU FEEL SMARTER?
OK, Honestly did you try to lick your elbow?


Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker.......

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?


Now it's Evil Love Poems!

I thought that I could love no other.
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Evil huh?


Female Rejection Lines

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You give me the creeps.
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I may as well be dating my dad.
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: I don't want to be seen in public
with a dork like you.
7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I'm busy seeing other guys. Who
are you again?
6. I've got a boyfriend. Translation: I'd rather be with my male cat and a half gallon of
Ben and Jerry's.
5. I don't date men where I work. Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the
same solar system, much less the same building.
4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: It's you.
3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: Even something as boring and
unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
2. I'm saved, so my heart belongs to Jesus. Translation: I've sworn off men like you.
1. Let's be friends. Translation: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and go out with. I appreciate
the male perspective.


What the New Job-Lingo Means

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the
pay or respect.