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Saihetei
this is my travel journal.
This has probably been the worst week in human history in terms of my emotional state. So, forgive me my little rant.

Now, where to begin in this emotional turmoil that I call life? Shall it be with the friends who casually forget to speak to you despite knowing how you yearn to hear their words? Quite possibly. Friends...I'm learning the falsity behind such a word. It is a facade meant to fool the wary, a supposed sanctuary where one can rest a weary heart and yet no heart can rest within someone else's bosom nor can it extend itself out to touch someone's else aching one. But, why am I surprised? Words, thoughts, emotions are all a lie, such feelings cannot exist within the static vacuum that is life. It might be that Iam just weary, so tired of continuing such a long fight against overwhelming odds. Or maybe I've learned not to care, not to feel so that when others don't my heart doesn't break once again. I'm to old for this, to jaded by the world I exist in to want to repair this fragmented state of being.

Then, if this is not why my soul writhes in pain, then maybe, just maybe its because of the lack of stability in my life. Curse be the fickle nature of humanity. Every step I take away from the stability of my apartment is rife with tremors and movement, throwing me off my balance as I try and maneuver an already tricky landscape.

But yet, maybe it is my own soul crying out for redemption that has me in such a foul mood as of late...my own misdeeds rebounding on me as they tear into my tender flesh with such vindictive pleasure.

*sighs* But, I grow weary of my rant so, for my sake and the sake of others, shall I now end it.





 
 
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